UK Smoking Ban

From Frikipedia

Due to come into effect in June 2007, the ban will apply to all pubs, bars and clubs that wish to not be fined horrifically.

Because the ban has been imposed unilaterally, rather than on a case by case incentive basis, pubs such as The Falcon, which relies on four chain-smoking regulars to make the mortgage payments every month, will close. The flip side of this is that gastro-plubs such as The Slug and Lettuce and Walkabouts will spread across the empty spaces vacated by these smaller pubs. The flip side of this is that gastro-plubs such as The Slug and Lettuce and Walkabouts will spread across the empty spaces vacated by these smaller pubs.

The dangers of passive smoking are well documented, so the ban makes sense. The dangers of passive drinking are well documented when a large pissed-up Geordie plunges half a Newcastle Brown bottle into your face, but there are no plans to impose a ban on aggressive people overdrinking. The dangers of inhaling the fumes from a BMW X5 are well documented, but there are no plans to impose a ban on Kensington.

The ban will allow pubs to finally rid themselves of that sweaty smell of stale smoke once and for all, leaving behind the underlying heavenly smell of spilt lager and body odour.

Smokers will be allowed to smoke outside the premises, probably making the beer garden a cancer filled no-go area for non-smokers in the summer, which will necessitate another ban. This will allow for the final solution to take effect, where all smokers are herded into a pen in the middle of city centres and pointed and laughed at by the good guys, while a small vacuum pump attached to their wallets ensure the government loses none of their lovely £12 billion yearly tax revenue.