Tramp

From Frikipedia

A poor man's poor man.

Some people believe a tramp is simply a homeless person. This is a total Holness. In fact, many tramps do have homes and only resort to begging on the streets because they lost their job and their basic dole money isn't enough to fund their rampant alcohol problem.

A tramp should fulfil at least four of the following symptoms :

• A funny walk.
• An aroma of Special Brew.
• A can of super strength lager in one hand, a bag containing a further three cans in the other.
• Prolonged and directionless walking.
• Prolonged and targetless swearing.
• The occasional Sid James.
• Constant desire to scab a cigarette.
• Positioned strategically outside an off license.

If you find someone suffering from being a tramp, Frikipedia suggests stealing all their beer and running away.

Last night, Frikipedia had a run-in with a tramp near Westminster, who started trying to beg whilst Friki was on the phone. This was very rude of said tramp, so Friki gave it an earful. Friki had also been drinking, quite possibly more than the tramp.

It should be noted that tramps often do not consume any alcohol in the traditional manner, i.e. by drinking it. Rather, the preferred method of soakage for the tramp-about-town is often to spill Special Brew over themselves whilst swaggering about. The swagger can be accomplished most easily on a busy tube train, but is also possible whilst sitting on a pavement. The talented tramp can swagger without moving at all.