The Queen's Head
From Frikipedia
Probable name of a pub near Manor House in London.
Technically in Harringay, but some people believe it to actually be in Haringey.
Frikipedia went to this pub once, because it's stupid friend wanted to watch some rugby and this was the only pub willing to show it. Friki still has nightmares about the experience.
Contents |
The Locals
The pub is half sports bar, half pool hall, which mean that scary underage chavs descend en masse to watch football and hit each other with pool cues.
The really underage members of the group remain outside, armed with 16 tracksuited friends, a crate of Bacardi Breezers and a massive dog. Their job is to stare menacingly at you whenever you leave the pub to answer the phone.
The Drink
Ranges from Carling to Carling via Carling.
Actually, that's a lie. They do have other stuff, but it all seemed to taste like Carling.
For the ladies, they have half a bottle of red wine somewhere that's been sitting around since 1987, the last time a woman came into the pub. Or if you're feeling brave, you can ask one of the chavs outside for a Bacardi Breezer.
The Food
The piece de resistance of your experience.
Purports to offer food on the sign outside. But this is an (almost) verbatim record of Friki's attempt to order food for a party of 4.
Friki: "Hi, do you do food here?"
Barmaid: "Um....(glances around at fellow bar staff)...yes."
Friki: "Can we have some menus then?"
Barmaid: "Lasagne or burger?"
Friki: "Excuse me?"
Barmaid: Lasagne or burger? That's what we've got."
Friki: "That's all you've got?"
Barmaid: "Yeah. Lasagne or burger?"
Friki: (after consultation with group) "We'd like two lasagnes and two burgers, please."
Barmaid: (Running prices through till (nb everything costs £3)) "Oh yeah, we're out of lasagne."
Friki: "What?"
Barmaid: "Yeah, we've got no lasagne left."
Friki: "So the choice is burger or burger?"
Barmaid: "Looks like it."
Friki: (sigh) "Well then we'll have four burgers please."
After all this, four burgers did indeed arrive. By burgers, Friki means that four burnt pieces of meat arrived in stale buns, with some stringy chips on the side. And a salad, which consisted of some brown lettuce and a number of dead flies(!).
Friki Verdict
Unless you are a particularly ravenous spider with a thing for Carling, avoid this place at all costs.
