That Team That Used To Be Jordan

From Frikipedia

(Redirected from Spyker)
Jump to: navigation, search

The 11th team on the F1 grid. Prior to 2006, this team was garish yellow, leprechaun-owned team Jordan, achieving a modicum of success in the late 1990s before a series of crap designs and dodgy engine deals bankrupted the team and forced Eddie Jordan to sell.

The team now acts as a sort of community service tool for wannabe Jean Todts and Ron Dennises to test out just how hard it is to run a successful F1 team.

Contents

2006: The Midland Year

The awe-inspiring sight of Midland F1's at play.
The awe-inspiring sight of Midland F1's at play.

In 2006, the team became Midland F1 under the protection of Russian mafiosa wannabe Alex Shnaider. The name made no sense as the team was from Russia, rather than the Midlands, but nobody thought to correct them.

The team entered F1 with the spectacularly underwhelming driver combo of Christijan Albers and Portugese lothario Tiago Monteiro and one of the dullest looking paint jobs ever.

The team toiled towards the rear of the grid for most of the season, only saved from the ignomany of the back row by the 6 year old cars that The Goo were stuck with.

Before the season was up, Shnaider was getting bored and upset that, unlike other Russian billionares, he had totally picked the wrong sport to wade into and try and dominate. He put The Team That Used To Be Jordan on eBay, and it was snapped up by the stoned CEO of a hitherto unheard of Dutch car maker.

2007: The Spyker Year

Spyker's 2007 challenger. Faster than a speeding chronically obese snail carrying a shell made from lead.
Spyker's 2007 challenger. Faster than a speeding chronically obese snail carrying a shell made from lead.

Dutch sportscar manufacturer who entered F1 in late 2006.

It is unclear how big a turnover a manufacturer needs to be making before its entry into Formula One is deemed "a bad thing" by fans, but Spyker seemed to undercut the figure anyway.

Replaced the Goo as the slowest things on the F1 grid in 2007, though they did face stiff competition from STR.

Spyker went into the year sponsored by Christijan Albers, their number one driver, and he was partnered by Adrian Sutil, who is the 2007 grids answer to Yuji Ide, but much more awesome.

Update

With Christijan Albers gone and sponsorship money plummetting, rumours are rife as to who Spyker will get to drive their second car alongside rookie sensation Sutil for the German GP. Most expect their test driver Markus Winkelhock to get the nod, who is the latest budding driver to rise up the ranks of motor racing based solely on having a famous surname, following in the footsteps of Mini Hill, Mini Villeneuve, Micro Schumacher, Bruno Senna, Nelson Piquet Jr, Mini Rosberg, Crapola Mini Lauda, Miss Ickx and, currently racing in British Formula BMW, Mini Surtees. Motorsport is nothing if not a sucker for a name they've already heard of.

Further Update

Winkelhock indeed got the drive for Germany, but was then replaced by the slower, but funnier, Admiral Yamamoto.

Prior to the Brazilian GP, Spyker announced that they had got bored with The Team That Used To Be Jordan, and had sold up to three India-based cartoon characters.

2008: The AquaTeenHungerForce India F1 Year

The new team logo.
The new team logo.

ATHFIF1 will grace the grid in 2008 with drivers Adrian Sutil (maybe) and Narain Karthikeyan (almost certainly).

Personal tools