Sports Day

From Frikipedia

a.k.a. The Commonwealth Games.

Second most pointless athletics meeting after the Winter Olympics.

The Commonwealth Games serves two main purposes:

• It keeps the USA out the way, hence giving other people a chance to win stuff.
• It gives ex-colonial countries from the bad old days of the British Empire a chance to unite in the common hatred of all things English, and then beat them at a variety of sports.

England actually won quite a lot of gold medals at the last running of sports day, but they were all in really debatable "sports" like shooting and table tennis and the like.