Ralf Schumacher
From Frikipedia
Overview
Brother to Michael Schumacher. Is apparantly a Formula One driver too.
History
As with Damon Hill, Ralf Schumacher used his surname to effectively buy his way into F1. What Ralf lacked in talent he made up for in Birth Certificate displaying, surviving an average run with Jordan in '97 and '98 secured him a seat at Williams for 1999. Continuing where he left off in '97 and '98, Schumacher made use of his time at Grove by hitting teammate as often as possible. His high point with Williams was the first half of 2001 where he took advantage of a far superior tyre and a teammate who hadn't yet worked out how to use all the pretty buttons on his steering wheel.
Ralf has never been known to have sexual relationships with men.
After numerous years of stagnation as a Williams pilot Ralf moved to Toyota for the princely sum of Papa New Guineas GNP. Since arriving at Toyota the younger Schumacher has learnt not to crash into his teammate, probably because Jarno Trulli is always 45 seconds ahead of him.
Known also for being a famous heterosexual.
The Future
Will continue to introduce himself to people as 'Schumacher' instead of 'Ralf'.
Will remain happily married to his wife Cora, who has large artificial breasts.
