Question Time

From Frikipedia

Totally serial political TV discussion programme hosted by the 91 year old David Dimbleby.

The show will tour the country, broadcasting from random backwaters like Doncaster, Telford or Swindon every week, and allowing local inbreds to hurl spite-filled questions at a panel of guests.

The Panel

The panel will be led by the 93 year old Mr Dimbleby, who at the age of 97 is the oldest TV show host after Bill Oddie. He will be joined by guests fitting the following descriptions:

• A contrite looking Labour MP. There to soak up the flak of a thousand local voters.
• A smug looking Conservative MP. There to look smug and deflect angry questions back towards the Labour person.
• Whichever Liberal Democrat MP that can be found. Hopefully one not currently embroiled in a scandal involving paying teenage ladyboys for sexual favours down the backstreets of Westminster.
• Some identikit human rights campaigner. Usually the mouthy one from Liberty. There to turn any and every question into a hackneyed point about the Iraq war. The more pompous, the better.
• An unemployed comedian. There to make penis jokes.

The Format

Mr Dimbleby, 101, distinguishes sweaty people in large spectacles from the audience by referring to their choice of cardigan. Odd person displays enough rudimentary social skills to read a pre-prepared question off a cue card, before interrupting anyone and everyone who tries to answer it. Programme follows the following script:

David Dimbleby (DD): "You there, in the yellow cagoule. Yes you."

Hobo: "Yes, ah, what do the, ah, panel think about how the governments policy on, ah, stuff, is, ah, like, really bad an that?"

DD: Good point, Mr Contrite MP, care to answer this bitchslapping putdown?"

Contrite Labour Person (CLP): "Obviously the government will... [regurgitates official party line on everything]...so..."

Hobo: "Ahhhh. Graaaaar. Youuuu make me sooooo maaaaaad."

DD: "Please let him finish speaking, sir."

Smug Conservative Man (SCM): "Clearly everything would be better if we were in power. Fnar. Have you seen our new leader's gorgeous smile?"

CLP: "Actually, a lot of these failing policies were instigated by the last Conservative government."

SCM: "Oh no they weren't!"

CLP: "Oh yes they were!"

Some Libdem Person (SLP): "Well, it's certainly not our fault! Aren't gays great?"

Obnoxious Human rights Woman (OHRW): "I think everyones missing the point here. Surely all these policies, if you were to line them up on the carpet here, would spell out a cry of anguish from a suffering Iraqi child?"

Hobos (chorus): "Ah! Iraq! Iraq! Bring us the head of Tony Blair!"

Unemployed comedian: "Aren't willys funny? You see? I just said it! Willys! Hahahaha!"

CLP: "Ah, obviously...[again repeats official party line, seeing as that's all he really can do if he wants to wake up with a job tomorrow. He can hardly say "Yes, we really made a big old bollocks of that, didn't we" now, can he?]..."

DD: "Right, next question..."

Repeat until the allotted timeslot on BBC1 is exhausted.

The Verdict

Like The Jerry Springer Show, but without the ironic charm. Or intelligence.