Peter Crouch

From Frikipedia

Creter Pouch.

The third tallest man-made object in the world, behind the Sears Tower and Dubai. Would presumably be ace at five-a-side.

Career

Gained employment with a number of teams down the years.

Currently employed by Liverpool FC and England, with a not at all bad record of 25 goals in 78 games for club, and a rather awesome record of 11 goals in 16 games for country.

Actually possesses a wide range of talents on a football pitch. He has been known to score spectacular goals and dazzle defenders with displays of genius footwork.

Sadly, though, two things rather let him down. Firstly, despite his skills, many casual observers tend to conclude that he is bubbish, based on the fact that his gangly frame makes even the most seamless of passes look like he didn't really mean to do it. Secondly, his frame leads managers to conclude that he is only good at heading (ironically not a real strength of his game) and the tactics tend to reduce to "hit it up to the big lad" whenever he is on the pitch.

Not Bad For A Big Lad

Commentators talking about Peter have coined the rather stupid, but immortal phrase "he's got good feet for a big lad", inferring surprise at Crouch's level of skill with the ball at his feet. This is presumably based around some odd theory that anybody over 6 foot 3 must automatically be crap at anything not specifically associated with being very tall.

Since the original phrase has been used, many commentators and studio analysts now apply the same theory to other tall footballers, and are constantly surprised by skills shown by them despite their height.

i.e.

    * "He's good at crossing for a big lad"
    * "He's quite strong for a big lad"
    * "He makes a good cup of tea for a big lad"
    * "He takes a good penalty for a big lad"
    * etc

Future

Sadly, rumours have recently been circulating linking Peter with a move to Newcastle United in the January transfer window.

This would make Friki sad as we would never again be able to hear the chant "He's big, he's red, his feet stick out the bed, Peter Crooooouch, Peter Crooooouch" coming from the Anfield faithful.