Nick Heidfeld

From Frikipedia

The only recorded photo of Nick. And the photographer was only trying to get a good shot of the shiny floor.

Overview

F1 driver of little coverage.

Nick is the icklest guy to have ever drove a Formula One car and is constructed out of see through perspex.

History

Little is known of Nick's early life, probably because nobody's thought to ask him. Was very briefly in the public eye in 1999, when he won the Formula 3000 title for McLaren's junior team. Unfortunately, after achieving this, chinless McLaren owner Ron Dennis completely forgot he had Nick under contract, so Ickle Nick escaped down the F1 paddock to Prost.

Prost was the laughably awful F1 pet project of Alain Prost, who had grown tired that nobody asked him anything anymore, so decided to spend most of his estate on the impossible task of designing a competitive F1 car around a Peugeot engine. Nick took a drive alongside Sylvester Stallone body double Jean Alesi for 2000, and spent much of his time driving into the side of Alesi's car, to try and get him to talk to him.

Frustrated and desperate for conversation, Nick found a spiritual home in Sauber, the most forgettable team in the pitlane. He beat both Kimi Raikkonen and Felipe Massa, but was forced to sit in the corner of the garage and eat gruel while Kimi and Felipe got all the attention, girls and money.

Nick was found abandoned in a dumpster by Eddie Jordan at the start of 2004 and the possibly drunk Eddie took pity and offered him a drive. Up against the best driver ever, Nick struggled. Although evidence of Jordan's results for 2004 is hard to come by, Nick is rumoured to have come out on top.

Eventually, after erecting a big photo of himself outside the Williams motorhome and getting a psychic to send subliminal messages to Frank Williams in his sleep, Nick got a drive with Williams-BMW for 2005, alongside lanky Aussie Mark Webber. Again Nick found himself outperforming a teammate, but through clever marketing and the fact that he didn't have his own website, such endeavours were forgotton. In fact rumours persist that Antonio Pizzonia replaced Nick towards the end of the season not because Nick was injured, but because Frank saw the Brazilian standing around and assumed that was what Nick looked like.

After stowing away in a crate, Nick was whisked off to the new BMW team for 2006, where he continues to not get written about.