Moustaches

From Frikipedia

Women shouldn't have them.

I know a woman who has one!

So do I. Actually, several. Do you think they notice it?

Can I tell my girlfriend she has a moustache?

Only if you want her to dump you immediately.

To properly inform her, tact and cunnery are required, my friend. Invite her over for a romantic dinner. Buy some of her favorite flowers, and borrow a vase from your neighbor to put them in. Don't be stupid enough to try cooking! Get some Italian take-out from down the block, and put it in a pan in the oven. Turn the oven to 'warm' or something similar. Make sure to 'check' the food several times before dinner, saying something like "almost ready" to complete the charade. Before you serve the food, sprinkle some Parsley or Basil over it to make it look good. And don't worry about how the kitchen looks; I know you haven't cleaned the kitchen in a month. Leaving those dirty dishes sitting around the apartment only helps complete the illusion that you put a lot of time and effort into dinner.

Anyways, at some point shortly after dinner, talk about things that you're trying to change about yourself BEFORE you talk about her mustache. Put it in the best possible light- "Honey, you're such a babe; if you only trimmed those whiskers you'd be a supermodel!" or "Sugar, it'd be so sexy if you shaved your upper lip every few weeks!" Be sure to mention her 'facial hair' and NOT call it a moustache. Even though it is one. Hopefully she'll be so impressed that you actually cooked for her and bought her flowers that she'll consider your suggestion.

My girlfriend dumped me because I suggested she trim her whiskers!

Sorry, mate. Maybe you shouldn't be trusting Frikipedia for relationship advice. Regardless, go out and buy an inflatable doll! They're much more fun than girlfriends- and they don't have moustaches.