Major League Soccer
From Frikipedia
Overview
Mighty attempt to introduce proper football to the American nation.
MLS Teams
- Chicago Fire
* Named after Chicago's chief export.
* Stadium: Toyota Park, ranked somewhere in the lower midfield of American stadia, comfortably behind the Arkansas Billybobs Ferrari Dome and the Denver Showerheads Mercedes Field.
* Famous fan: The Fonz.
* Hang on, he used to play in the Premiership: Former West Ham United and Manchester City semi-legend Paulo Wanchope recently joined the club, aged 49.
* If they were an English team: Middlesbrough.
- Columbus Crew
* Named because entire first team squad shares their names with the cabin boys from the Santa Maria.
* Stadium: Columbus Crew Stadium, because they couldn't find a sponsor.
* Famous fan: Columbo.
* Hang on, he used to play in the Premiership: Nobody right now, though former Sheffield Wednesday clogger John Harkes put in two memorable seasons of wheezing before he retired.
* If they were an English team: Accrington Stanley.
- D.C. United
* Named after club's founder, Daniel Craig.
* Stadium: RFK Stadium, after Aston Martin sponsorship package fell through.
* Famous fan: Foz from Hollyoaks.
* Hang on, he used to play in the Premiership: Nobody again, though Harkes was here as well, the big jobsworth. Also currently employ the dullest named brazilian in the history of latino nicknames, Fred.
* If they were an English team: MK Dons.
- Kansas City Wizards
* Named because of curious kit of large wizard hat and spell-casting wand.
* Stadium: Arrowhead Stadium, shaped like an arrowhead, offering lottery of viewing positions.
* Famous fan: Harry Potter.
* Hang on, he used to play in the Premiership: Still nobody famous. Former employers of Alexi Lalas.
* If they were an English team: Clapton Academy Under 9's.
- New England Revolution
* Named after the famous New War of Independance that annexed New England from the rest of America. Now has own currency, the New England Zloty.
* Stadium: Gillette Stadium, offering free Mach 3's under every seat.
* Famous fan: Tony Slattery.
* Hang on, he used to play in the Premiership: Currently managed by ginger former Liverpool defender, Steve Nicol.
* If they were an English team: Old England Revolution.
- Red Bull New York
* Named after traditional pre-match entertainment of "The Painting Of The Bull".
* Stadium: Giants Stadium, in association with Peter Crouch.
* Famous fan: Al Gore.
* Hang on, he used to play in the Premiership: Former Aston Villa tousle-haired mis-kicker Juan Pablo Angel retired to New York at the start of the season.
* If they were an English team: Total Network Solutions.
- Toronto FC
* Named after Toronto, the third smallest hamlet in lower western Canadashire.
* Stadium: BMO Field, misspelling of original tribute to famous music group, ELO.
* Famous fan: Ray Mears.
* Hang on, he used to play in the Premiership: Danny Dichio, former QPR striker who inexplicably managed a transfer to Serie A club Sampdoria in the mid 1990s.
* If they were an English team: Hinkley Town.
- Chivas USA
* Named after America's favourite benign Venezualan despot, Hugo Chivas.
* Stadium: The Home Depot Center, the car park of their local DIY store.
* Famous fan: The Wurzels.
* Hang on, he used to play in the Premiership: Nobody. However, rather bizarrely, former failed Everton midfielder of little note, Preki, is their new manager.
* If they were an English team: Castro United.
- Colorado Rapids
* Named in order to set up rivallry with local American Football team, Colorado Slowcoaches.
* Stadium: Dick's Sporting Goods Park, a sponsorship link-up with the world's only gay-only sports shop.
* Famous fan: Moby.
* Hang on, he used to play in the Premiership: From 1999-2000, former Arsenal club-footed winger Ander Limpar moved to Colorado, on an exchange programme which saw three tins of red paint travel the other way.
* If they were an English team: Midchester City.
- FC Dallas
* Named after takeover bid from JR Ewing's oil company.
* Stadium: Pizza Hut Park, where instead of a touchline, they have a moat of BBQ dipping sauce.
* Famous fan: Josiah Wedgewood.
* Hang on, he used to play in the Premiership: Currently managed by Arsenal legend Steve Morrow, who is remembered for scoring the winner in the 1993 League Cup final, and then having his leg broken in the post-match celebrations after perma-drunk captain Tony Adams tried to carry him on his shoulders.
* If they were an English team: The Falcon's five-a-side team.
- Houston Dynamo
* Named because every player is wired up to the stadium's power generator, and if they stop running the floodlights go off.
* Stadium: Texas Robertson Stadium, named after the first man ever to successfully sue his parents for christening him, Texas Robertson.
* Famous fan: Chantelle.
* Hang on, he used to play in the Premiership: Liverpool legend Kenny Dalglish's son, Paul, currently plays for them, indicating his career may not be as filled with success as his father's.
* If they were an English team: Leeds United.
* Named after discovery of world's smallest astronomical phenomenon inside Tom Cruise's right buttock.
* Stadium: The Home Depot Center, shared with Hugo Chaves FC. They take it in turns to play in the car park whilst the other team warns them of oncoming traffic.
* Famous fan: Alan Boyd.
* Hang on, he used to play in the Premiership: Friki doesn't think any former Premiership stars currently play for LA. Nope, can't think of one.
* If they were an English team: Manchester United.
* Named to differentiate team from now-defunct local rivals Salt-Substitute Lake.
* Stadium: Rice-Eccles Stadium, in sponsorship deal with English "treat", Eccles cakes.
* Famous fan: Badgerman.
* Hang on, he used to play in the Premiership: Nobody, really.
* If they were an English team: Frank Lampard FC.
