Live Earth
From Frikipedia
Contents |
Overview
Planet-spanning Al Gore love-in in which vast quantities of celebrities and bands were flown around the world at great expense to Mr Gore's wallet and the environment in order to piously jump onto the latest in an exciting series of populist hypocritical bandwagons.
What about poverty?
Poverty has been sorted, thank you very much. Live8 was a total success, and now nobody has anything to worry about apopros the whole "having enough to eat" thing. Just ask Bob Geldof, it's fine. Honestly.
Ssssh, Africa. Be quiet.
The Concerts
Many were held all over the world, to the delight of all, including one in Istanbul which was cancelled due to lack of interest, and one in China, which saw almost 2000 people turn up to watch someone called Sarah Brightman do whatever it is she does.
London
The newly-built (just) Wembley stadium hosted the UK's prologue to history. Loads of people travelled all over the place to witness one of the most confusingly disparate playlists since Glastonbury gave Shirley Bassey a slot on the main stage. Introspective moany indie kids Bloc Party followed after crazed funk-merchants the Red Hot Chilli Peppers, ego-driven vagrants Razorlight were put on after a newly-reformed Genesis played, James Blunt turned up at some point. It was very hard to follow.
The Pledges
Al Gore led the bands (who added pledges of their own, like the meaningful mantra of "Let's save the planet, yeah?") in a seven point plan to save the world. Here they are, with Friki's top tips on how to make them work:
- To demand that my country join an international treaty within the next two years that cuts global warming pollution by 90 percent in developed countries and by more than half worldwide in time for the next generation to inherit a healthy earth.
This particular pledge was shown to a Chinese representative on the BBC's Newsnight programme after the concerts, who rather politely told them to shove their treaty up their arse. Positive start.
- To take personal action to help solve the climate crises by reducing my own C02 pollution as much as I can and offsetting the rest to become "carbon neutral".
Turn lights off, boil water sparingly, recycle bottles of pop, that sort of thing. Already done with ardent self-congratulation by most Home Counties suburbs.
- To fight for a moratorium on the construction of any new generating facility that burns coal without the capacity to safely trap and store the C02.
Picket that power station. They have the plant, but we have the power! Also, could be extended to organising lynch mobs to threaten the NIMBYs who complain about wind farms with sticks.
- To work for a dramatic increase in the energy efficiency of my home, workplace, school, place of worship, and means of transportation.
Install energy saving lightbulbs in your local synagogue. And take the bus there and back.
- To fight for laws and policies that expand the use of renewable energy sources and reduce dependence on oil and coal.
Demand that governments phase out those non-renewable energy sources that are currently running out. But woe betide them if they say "nuclear". Lynch mob again, in that case.
- To plant new trees and to join with others in preserving and protecting forests.
Ignore the fact that this is as useful for reducing harmful emissions as farting into a thermos for the rest of your life.
- To buy from businesses and support leaders who share my commitment to solving the climate crises and building a sustainable, just and prosperous world for the 21st century.
Ignore Tesco! Buy Waitrose! Ignore Waitrose's greedy expansion plans that will put even more local shops out of business than Tesconsbury's ever managed!
- To vote for Al Gore in the 2008 US Presidential Elections.
Erm, hang on, ignore that. Ssssh.
Banner Ideas for Live Earth
- "This is exactly what we need to stop doing!"
- "Down with this sort of thing!"
- "Stop this!"
- "It's massive concerts like this which need to be prevented in future!"
Results
Um, I think we sorted it. Next, Mr Geldof will turn his attention to the Middle East crisis.
