Halifax
From Frikipedia
Contents |
Overview
Halifax is a pretentious, nauseating, and disturbing port city in Canada which features a few tall buildings in a vain attempt to look like a real modern city scape. On street level, however, this facade fools no one who has ever been to a real urban centre. People living in Halifax routinely are made up of retired fishermen, hosers, wannabes, and art students. For being the most important city in the world, it's striking that the only road out of it is some lame old highway to Truro, one of the most stupid and backwards towns ever to exist.
Why Halifax is SO Annoying
As mentioned, the city has an air of pretention around every single corner. The city insists upon itself to a level that is almost undescribable. The city features two of the worst possible characteristics a city can possess: Slummy, dirty, broken-down, crime-ridden hellholes, as well as fake, nauseating new-yuppie-tourist attractions born from a false sense of historical and cultural importance.
Halifax is a cultural chameleon, leeching off of other popular and fun cultures to define itself. It superficially and unapologetically steals from the English, Scottish, and Irish traditions as it has no defining culture of its own.
Inexplicably, the city's residents have not yet realized that it is actually few hundred kilometres from Cape Breton.
A case in point for why Halifax is so annoying is the existence of the restaurant/bar called Your Father's Moustache. Seriously, Get Bent! Any city that would allow a bar with such a stupid and self-indulgent name to survive more than a few days is obviously not worth the time and effort of visiting. Friki recommends that if you are going to go to a shithole, you might as well go to Saint John or Moncton, where there are no false and misleading presumptions, annoying yuppies and tourist traps.
Things to do in Halifax
- Get drunk
- Go to the gay bar (reflections) and get drunk and ass raped by a NSCAD student
- Swim in our beautiful and lucious harbour
- Watch a mooseheads game
- Star on a Trailer Park Boys episode
- Get swarmed
History
Halifax was founded back in 1749 or 1748 or something, which isn't all that long ago considering they act like they have more historical significance than the Papacy. The brits ran things for a while, skinned the heads of some natives, shipped off some frogs to New Orleans, then some belgian boat blew up half the city, and tonnes of people died and somehow that further increased the Halagonians sense of self-importance and significance.
Pros
- Lots of easy university chicks
Cons
- Lots of university chicks with STD's
Frikipedia addendum
All of the above is in fact a Holness, as Halifax is actually a rather pleasant old mill town in West Yorkshire, England, where Frikipedia was born. Puzzlingly, despite Halifax's many great features, roadsigns on entering the town choose to remind you that it is "Home of the Halifax Building Society". Well, duh!
Visit Halifax, it's nice. Or better still, send a fax!
