Fredericton
From Frikipedia
Blows.
Contents |
Frikipedia addendum
Mostly blows.
Why Fredericton Blows
Fredericton is unique in that it is the capital city of the province of New Brunswick despite having a ludicrously miniscule 35,000 full-time residents. These numbers balloon, however, in September when the loads of UNB students return to study in its hallowed halls, where they enjoy paying half the tuition of most Halifax universities. Never has the phrase "you get what you pay for" been so apt.
Due to the influx of students from September to May, the demand for places to live far exceeds the supply for 8 months of the year, while the opposite is the case during the summer months. This leads to the common practice among Freddy landlords, affectionately dubbed "rape the student's wallet". That custom involves demanding full year lease terms even though the landlord is fully aware that the student only requires the apartment for the school term. This ensures hundreds upon hundreds of empty, smelly apartments from April to August, and an ensured revenue stream for the city's many slum landlords. It also ensures that the student is reduced to eating a guaranteed minimum of 12 Kraft Dinner meals per week for the duration of their studies in order to stave off bankruptcy and afford beer.
The "rape the student" phenomenon has implications for others in the city who are looking for a roof over their heads. Due to the intense competition for living quarters, even the most rotten, seedy, dilapidated building requires a damage deposit greater than the GDP of a small South Pacific island nation, and a locked-in lease term that exceeds the average life expectancy on said island nation. The situation is so dire, when friki changed its offices to Fredericton, it considered living in Saint John and commuting the hour each way, as its rent would have been month-to-month, and much cheaper. And friki's clothes wouldn't stink due to the musty, damp conditions in its prospective Freddy basement cave.
Why Fredericton Mostly Blows
Fredericton does have some redeeming qualities. The geoff's are a definite plus, and far exceed the quantity and quality available in Saint John. It still mostly blows, however, due to the fact that friki has had no luck on this front to this point, probably because it lives in a stinky, damp basement.
Apocalyptic Weather Patterns
Fredericton's landlocked status means it is subjected to the winter's coldest temperatures and the summer's hottest extremes. Living in Fredericton makes you think that Cheesus is pissed off at you and global warming has come early.
On Wednesday, April 18, 2006, Friki drove one town over to Saint John (a mere 100km, a quick jaunt away), and on the way encountered wind, hail and snow. Friday April 20th was Tit Monday and a high of 19C was recorded. Friki was pleased but bewildered, and is convinced that God is playing some cruel joke on this city, mostly because he's mad at abortions and gayness.
