Formula One Penalties

From Frikipedia

Formula One has been criticised in the recent past for being too dull; it's always the same person winning, or the tracks all look the same, it's always dry, etc etc. In an attempt to add some randomness and excitement to Formula One the FIA decided it was better to not have a fixed set of punishments for a fixed set of crimes on the track, thus creating a situation where no one knows what punishment they'll get for their misdemeanors. To further muddy the waters the FIA decreed that at each race weekend the "FIA" stewards would be randomly picked from the crowd, not wanting to walk all the way to the expensive stands at T1 they usually end up chosing a bunch of rednecks bathing in their own (by their general admission) filth on the "other side" of the paddocks electric fence.

Examples

Here are some examples of stewards punishments handed down for what one might call, the exact same crime.

• "For brake testing another driver in Free Practice you'll be sent to the back of the grid."
• "For brake testing another driver in Free Practice you'll lose your best two...nah three best laps from session...um...two of qualifying!"
• "For brake testing another driver in Free Practice you'll have one second added to each of your laps in qualifying, and another one for that face you just made!"
• "For brake testing another driver in Free Practice you'll be docked 5 runs."
• "For brake testing another driver in Winter Testing you'll have to act like a stupid twat pretending to be a national animal after each race you win this year."
• "For brake testing another driver in Free Practice you'll be relegated to the second division of the English Premier League."
• "For brake testing another driver in Q1 you will now be forced to convert to Sikhism and marry an obnoxious weed.
• "For brake testing another driver in Free Practice you'll be given a death sentence (going around the Top Gear Test Track in an unmodified Koenigseggseggseegsegsegseggsegsegsegg with The Stig driving).
• "For using Michelin Tyres you will now be forced to quit motor racing and become an apprentice chef under the guidance of Gordon Ramsay at McBernies."
• "For ramming into another driver in a race we demand you to sign a multi-year deal with a NASCAR team, all without telling anyone you work for."
• "For having a pitstop, we'll put you down to 6th...and not give you any constructors points!"
• "For stealing Ferrari's design software your punishment will be signing Ralf Schumacher and Jarno Trulli to 5+ year deals muahaha!"
• "For turning up at Monza in a silver or blue car you will be given a 1 minute time penalty for carelessly blocking the Mercedes team truck currently sitting on a M4 lay-by with smoke billowing out of it."