Fernando Alonso
From Frikipedia
Formula One driver who aspires to be Paul Daniels.
Became double world champion in 2006, beating a retiring 'MICOLE' (as he lovingly called his rival).
Has already become a legend in the art of whining, broken all records set by his predeccessor in the art Jacques Villeneuve.
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Early Years
Alonso (or 'Nano') was a good for nothing piece of crap in the early years of his life.He originally wanted to be a bullfighter, but gave up on the idea because he didnt have the balls. He then learnt to drive in a pedal kart that was originally meant for his sister. Legend has it that Fernando cried and whined his way into getting the kart for himself, showing great qualities of "determination" at an early age,something he regards as his greatest strength even today. He then took part and won in various national level go karting championships in a country where people didnt know to spell "go kart". He faced tough and immense competition from an early age, sometimes having to compete with as many as 2 competitors in each go kart race. Soon enough he became the national go kart champion.
Pre Formula 1
Alonso's flowing hair made Renault team boss Flavio Briatore have second thoughts about being a heterosexual.The two fell in love and never looked back.The rest, they say is history.
Formula 1 career
Never loses a race because he raced badly. Its always because of something else. Common reasons include:
- His car crashed into a tyre wall( which according to alonso was purposely placed by the fia knowing his affection towards rubber)
- His team mechanic pulls off a nut, either from his tyre or from inside his pants
- He felt "alone" in his team, because Flavio finally got some real women for his pit crew, no one was ready to sleep with him
- His opponents did not slow down for him, which gets him real mad..." how can u not slow down for me" he asks " Its cheating"
Does not speak good English.
Has also mastered the art of showing his middle finger to anyone that drives on the same racing track that he does.
Specializes in the art of winning championships when his rival's car goes Boom.
Was sued by the SPCA because of the unbearable imitations of different animals after every race win.According to some reports, there were mass suicides of eagles all over the world,mostly due to depression, after alonso tried to copy the eagle in celebration of his win at Suzuka 06.
Is an expert in the art of brake testing his rivals. Recieved the Nobel peace prize for improving the quality of brakes in f1 cars due to his constant tests on other's cars.
Quotes from Alonso
- " I am ashamed to be in F1" - His first comments after being crowned 2006 F1 World Champion. Retracted it later.
- " Flavio has a really hot stubble " Retracted later, on fears that his girlfriend was getting jealous.
- " I shit in my pants whenever i see MICOLE close to me" after his loss at Shanghai. Retracted later. What do you expect?
