Damon Hill
From Frikipedia
Overview
Damon Hill was the greatest British F1 driver throughout the 1990's, fending off stiff opposition from a mockney twat and Tim Nice But Dim. Although he was still far from the best driver on the grid, he skillfully lucked into the best team and once The Chin got a bubbish one, he waltzed to the World Championship by the skin of his pearly whites.
History
Damon didn't always want to be a racing driver. His first love was bubbish soft rock, and he spent many a teenage day strumming in his room. Sadly, there came a time when he had to pay the rent, and because he had no imagination, he decided to follow his father's trade and drive cars.
He burst onto the F1 scene in 1992, driving a pretty pink Brabham. Sadly, the car was slower than even Damon's miniscule amount of natural talent could overcome, so he rarely qualified. However, at the end of the season, there was an opening for an overrated Brit at Williams, after The Tache departed for America. So he was snapped up to look average alongside Alain Prost.
Damon's averageness flowed throughout 1993, only three times overstepping the mark and accidentally winning a race. So he was kept on for 1994 to partner Ayrton Senna. Who soon died. After Senna's passing, Damon found himself in the confusing position of actually being more talented than his team mate for once. Mercifully, he found that The Chin was more than happy to take over the responsibility of winning everything. Though in the season closer in Adelaide, Schumacher's traction control conked out and he drove into a wall, forcing him to try and borrow the spare parts to fix his car from Damon. The effort of exchanging parts while still racing was ill advised, and they crashed, sealing The Chin's first of too many championships.
Damon got his revenge in 1995 by driving into The Chin at every opportunity. Sometimes not even waiting for the German to arrive before flinging his car with gleeful abandon into walls, gravel traps and other competitors. The title forgotten about, The Chin won again.
Damon's big chance came in 1996. The Chin had wandered off to Ferrari, who were at the time more famous for their natty overalls than their Grand Prix performances, and Damon found himself in the best car with a leper for a teammate. Still, it took all of Hill's skill and determination to very nearly throw the title away, just failing to after Villeneuve proved himself to be more crap at the final round.
Frank Williams tired of Damon's army surplus hair and constant guitar playing, so Damon shipped off to Arrows for 1997 and revelled in the crapness. Again, he nearly failed in his duty to rubbishness by almost winning in Hungary, but put things right on the last lap when the car got knackered.
Damon spent his twilight years at Jordan, quietly slipping away into obscurity in the face of massive hair growth. He managed one final win in the 1998 Belgian GP when every other car crashed at the first corner, but other than that he was happy to support his teammates, The Mini Chin and Fox Mulder.
The Future
Damon now lives in a barn in Dorset. Only breaking cover every now and again to play some awful soft rock to someone, or appear as a token pundit on a random British game show.
