Christianity

From Frikipedia

Religion of choice for the majority of the Western world. Apparently. Have a steadfast belief in Cheesus as it tends to go well with bread and wine.

According to the 2001 census, 71% of UK residents are Christians, which equates to roughly 40 million people. However, when you subtract from that figure the number of uptight Daily Mail readers who said they were Christian because they felt threatened by their new and altogether more devout Muslim neighbours, that figure reduces to just 21 regularly practicing Christians throughout all the UK. All but two of these people attend church together in the Home Counties.

Christians spend so much time practicing because they consider the gift of life to be one long test, set up by God for a laugh. If you successfully spend the 70-odd years of your life not really drinking, shagging or doing anything remotely fun, you'll be rewarded with eternal happiness. Details of eternal happiness are rather vague, but it is believed to feel something like waking up for work only to realise it's a Saturday, and you're in bed with all of Girls Aloud who are arguing as to which of them gets to cook you a fryup.

Not happy with simply hating other religions, Christianity has splintered into a myriad of different offshoots, all taking a slightly different view of the Bible. In history, wars were waged between Catholics and Protestants, the past still mirrored today in Northern Ireland and whenever Celtic and Rangers fans decide to bottle one another.

Friki's Favourite Bible Quote

• Genesis 19:32: Come, let us make our father drink wine, and we will lie with him, that we may preserve seed of our father.