Bookies

Bookies are one of the few places you are still allowed to smoke, along with really ropey pubs and nurseries.

If you spend more than ten minutes a week in a bookies, you are either retired or have a serious gambling problem.

Frikipedia has the following top tips to a successful Saturday afternoon in the bookies:

Never try and work out what all the form guides mean. These are indecipherable rubbish. Even the old guy sitting in the corner reading the Racing Post is actually just looking at the pictures. All you need to know is which horses are in the race, and what their odds are.
Never bet on a favourite or an outsider. Outsiders never win, and winning 20p back from a quid bet on a 6/5 favourite is soul destroyingly dull.
Never bet on a grey horse. When did a grey horse ever win anything?
Betting on greyhounds produces more of an adrenaline rush than betting on horses, as the races last a few seconds, rather than horse races which go on for hours.
Choose your horse/dog by finding the funniest name. This is the secret to success.
It is a certainty that if you do not hold the odds when you place your bet, your horses odds will tumble between you placing the bet and the start of the race. Conversely, sticking the odds will see your horse's odds increase. It is best to not worry about this.
Never bet on Formula One, tennis, golf or on how many bookings there will be in a game of football.
Never offer to share your winnings with the out of luck chainsmoker at the back, who has just gambled his next mortgage payment on a three legged donkey. He will hold you to that deal, with force if necessary.