BBC3

Digital TV offshoot of the BBC.

Ethos

BBC3 is the BBC's answer to "kewl twentysomething" channels like E4. Consequently, all shows broadcast by the channel fall into two categories:

"Alternative" comedy. Not especially funny sketch shows like The Mighty Boosh or repeats of Little Britain. So just not especially funny sketch shows, really.
"Kerazy" reality TV shows, usually ones where the writers have come up with the title long before they bothered to think about what the show might be about.

The Baby Borrowers - Mouthy chav couple considering having kid get given a real baby to look after for a while. Cue bleeped out swear words, shots of teenagers in tracksuits pushing a pram along a dreary Northern high street whilst swigging from a can of lager and dead babies.
Spendaholics - "Hello, I'm in masses of debt because I really like shoes. Could the BBC send someone round to offer me advice on how to reduce my debts? Yes, I know, 'Stop buying shoes!', but I'm sure we can make an hour's worth of programme out of that."
Dog Borstal - Bunch of rottweilers who have spent their whole lives ripping people's faces off get bitchslapped into shape by "specialist dog trainers"(?).
Fat Men Can't Hunt - In which morbidly obese residents of the UK are sent to live a hunter-gatherer lifestyle in a forest for four weeks. Why? Don't know really.
Pissed and Pregnant - Self-explanatory, this one.
Teens Hooked on Porn - Spotty pubescent teenagers in "masturbating over pornography" shock.
Sex, Lice and Videotape - See what they did there? Teenagers sleep around and acquire STDs. But who's got what? Tune in to find out!
My Small Breasts and I - Flat chested women moan about Jordan in a not-at-all envious manner.
Help! My Dog's as fat as me! - Words fail.

Chavs Win Prizes - Ordinary members of the public nominate one of their Burberry-clad sub-human friends to take part in a special series of challenges. Dale Winton presents the show, while Barry Davies provides expert commentary as cameras follow the chav through the urban maze. The challenger must buy six cans of cider from the local offie, skin up a joint in the nearby car park and then race to the local park, gaining points for every member of the public he leers at on the way. The winner is the first chav to down the cider whilst sitting on the swings, and wins the much-coveted prize of knocking up a local tracksuit-wearing Vicky Pollard-a-like for the benefit money.

Celebrity Felching - Two teams of vacuous celebrities (the boys vs the girls! battle of the sexes!) take turns each day to remove six litres of prized bull lovejuice from the hairy crevice of one of their own team in a live head-to-head battle. Ant and Dec preside over events as the boys (led by Darren Day) and the girls (led by Edith Bowman) fight to remain in the game. The losing team must nominate a member of their group for eviction. A guest celebrity conducts the traditional insemination process every day, with the first being horse riding legend, Oliver Skeete.

Ten Years Younger - Dr Gillian McKeith takes the TYY roadshow to a different rural northern town every week, and tempts a local paedophile with a series of provocatively dressed homeless children. The local villagers are then armed with pitchforks and encouraged to exterminate every old person in the surrounding area. Points are awarded for each innocent person killed, and the winners receive a years subscription to the News of the World.

Ten C**ts In a House - Dermot O'Leary clogs up every TV channels output as he presents 24 hour live coverage from cameras in a house as they chart the insufferably dull warblings of a bunch of layabouts, gaudy showmen and other members of the detritus of society. Daily highlights include a moronic argument over a jar of mayonnaise and a late night slot when the group are plied with cheap alcohol in an attempt to turn them into the kind of giggly, argumentative scum you see brawling with each other outside pikey nightclubs in most city centres every Friday night. Actually, maybe this one has already been done.