Ashley Cole

From Frikipedia

a.k.a. Cashley. a.k.a. Mr Tweedy.

Became the personification of Everything That Is Wrong With Football (TM) in 2006 when he was famously quoted as calling Arsenal's contract offer of £55,000 a week "taking the pi**", before moving to Chelsea for a considerable amount more.

Though his statement was actually faccurate, it is likely not for the reasons that Cashley believed in.

Launched an autobiography in the middle of the transfer saga, which to date has sold 23 copies. 22 of which were bought by Arsenal fans in order to burn in a voodoo ritual ahead of the recent Chelsea v Arsenal tie, and one bought by his wife on Amazon, in the mistaken belief that she was actually buying Rio Ferdinand's.

Reputedly cannot cook Super Noodles