4 x 4

From Frikipedia

The ultimate driving machine. If by driving, you mean annoying. And by machine, you mean twat. And by that whole sentance, you mean "PISS OFF OUT THE ROAD, YOU SWEATY POLLUTER!".

Owning a 4x4 is essential if you live in the following areas:

• The Sahara Desert
• A farm
• Kensington

It is also essential if you have any of the following jobs:

• A farmer
• A gangster
• A footballer being paid more than £5,000 a week.

These points are cumulative. So if you are a footballing farmer on holiday in the Sahara, you deserve three.

The 4x4 has many more uses in modern day life than a smaller, cleaner car. For example, they are safer. This is not strictly true, to clarify the point: they are safer if you are inside them.

Only 0.1% of all 4x4s bought ever utilise their off-road capabilities. Even then, they are used when impatient footballers mount the central reservation of a motorway to avoid congestion.

4x4 ownership is omnisexual. For men, it is a tremendous way to advertise how large your repayments are on your car, or show how good a footballer you are. For women, they offer a driving experience to and from school, safe in the knowledge that as and when you lose concentration and plough through a gaggle of schoolchildren, it won't need the bumper replacing.