2008 F1 Season Preview

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Contents

The Teams

Ferrari

Raikkonen will stay for as long as Ferrari deem they are still owed part of his massive salary back, like someone being forced to clean the dishes in a restaraunt after their bank card gets rejected. Massa is expected to stay on and continue learning the art of the cheat from cheaty chin boy, and part-time Ferrari Jedi master, Michael Schumacher.

BMW

Not much expected to change for 2008 at the resident part-Swiss dullards of the pit lane, though after strong showing in US GP, 6-year-old tester Sebastian Vettel may be in line for a promotion should Ickle decide to chance his arm racing for someone vaguely interesting, but BMW killjoys may well decide not to blood in a potentially talented driver whom they are only loaning from Red Bull until the end of 2008. Andy Priaulx expected to be left in the cold again.

Friki Update

Ickle indeed sticks with the redoubtable Beemers for 2008, in anticipation of being given a title-winning car. Yeah, him and half the grid.

Renault

Kovalainen is slowly improving, like an autistic kid "improves" at school. Nevertheless, he has a contract for next year, which is more than his team-mate can say for himself. Fisi could possibly be on shaky ground as he continues to fail to inspire on the race track. With Renault's massive interest in feeder series GP2, Flav potentially has a whole field of youngsters to replace him with. Mercifully for Fisi, this season's crop of GP2 drivers are nothing short of cloth-eared simpletons, so a stay of execution may well be granted. If Flav really has given up on his F1 ambitions for the foreseeable future, test driver Ricardo Zonta waits in the wings.

Friki Update

With Alonso deciding to leave McLaren, Renault becomes his most likely destination, not least given the potential for Kovalainen to move the other way. Piquet Jr is a tantalising piece of name-dropping sponsor candy, while Fisichella is almost certainly out.

Williams

If Nico were to move away, it would confirm Williams as being little more than Yoda's bitch, which would be a shame. Wurz has accomplished nothing thusfar in 2007, so unless he suddenly embarks on late-season run of points finishes, expect him to make way for, well, whoever Toyota say, really. Hopefully not one from lamentable test driver pairing of Narain Karthikeyan and Kazuki Nakajima.

Friki Update

Nobody listens to Friki. While on the plus side, Williams seem to have swatted off the advances of McLaren from Rosberg, they have also "chosen" to go with Japanese identikit averageman Nakajima alongside him. If the team really want positive steps in results, they're going to have bite the bullet and start entering two cars at some point.

Red Bull

Although Webber was locked into a two year contract with this mess of a team before the 2007 season began, DC had no excuses for signing a contract extension for next year recently. Unless he knows something we don't, leading to speculation that the out tray of the desk of the team boss may well contain freshly printed P45 with "Newey, Adrian" hastily typed at the top.

Friki Update

There's nothing like a newly-available two time WDC to make teams foresake their loyalty to a driver. Alonso could well head here in an effort to build a Schumie-style dynasty of his own. He'll replace Webber if the Aussie can gab a drive anywhere better, or more likely the 67 year old Coulthard, who will be put out to pasture on the after-dinner speaking/media soundbite circuit alongside Eddie Irvine.

Toyota

"Anyone but Ralf!" the world screams as one, and don't get too excited, but there are signs that Yoda have finally tired of F1's most underwhelming of siblings. The odd report has linked either Ickle or Rosberg to the potentially vacant seat. Although Nico is under contract until 2008, a combination of tricks learned from Jenson Button regarding ripping up Williams-headed contracts and the engine supply link could see The Cheese selflessly commit career suicide and rid F1 of a Ralf-sized blemish. Unless he manages to beg a drive at STR.

Friki Update

Ralf has gone, hallelujah. He leaves behind a poisoned chalice of a seat in F1's greatest underachievers. Alonso may be tempted here, but more likely options are test driver Montagny, or possibly someone halfway good.

Scuderia Toro Rosso

If they even bother turning up next year, don't expect STR to keep pieman Liuzzi or misnomeric Speed. Strong rumours link Champ Car veteran Sebastien Bourdais with a race seat, though why Bourdais would give up another five championships in America in favour of racing Spykers for the "not quite crappest" award is a mystery. GP2 fluffer and famously surnamed Brazilian Bruno Senna would add some much needed media interest to the team, at the expense of any residual dignity the caffiene merchants may be holding back. An alternative source of dignity-sapping may come from Toyota, if they sack the Ralfette. It's worth noting as well that almost-perfectly-named Robert Doornbos is still technically on Red Bull's books, and is giving Bourdais a real run for his money over in Champ Car. Either way, with so many of the top teams looking to check with the hands they have, STR's merry-go-round may well prove the dubious highlight of this year's silly season.

Friki Update

Nope, to almost all of the above. STR becomes Team Seb for 08, as Speccy multi-champ Bourdais joins disfigured Aussie-crasher Vettel. This is a mere three million percent improvement on the drivers that started last year for the team.

Honda

Both Boobens and Button have contracts for next year, and were confirmed as Honda's 2008 pedallers just before the German GP, much to both their collective disdain. Expect lengthy pre-season of Button moaning after cars lap slower than passing Morris Minor during week-long Barcelona test, interspersed with shots of Bazza grinning inanely at the fact that someone is still willing to pay him to drive cars.

Super Aguri

Same old, same old for The Goo, who have to keep employing Sato in fear of lynch mob recriminations back in Japan. Davidson has actually been pretty cack thus far in 2007, but lack of realistic alternatives should mean his seat is safe. What price a return for Admiral Yamamoto to the all-Japanese team, though.

AquaTeamHungerForce India F1

Assuming they're not bought out by some other loss-making, "lets build supercars in a shed" manufacturer, Spyker will probably keep hold of the prodigious Sutil, unless a better team decides to take a punt on him, or they're even more financially screwed than they're letting on. For the second seat, pick one from legion of not-quite-good-enough-for-GP2 test drivers, with the final nod probably going to the one who has managed to whore themselves out to the most sponsors.

Friki Update

With the buyout complete, ATHFIF1's next job is keeping McLaren's grubby mitts off of rookie legend Sutil. Whether they do or not, stake your house on one seat being taken by underwhelming Indian "driver" Narain Karthikeyan.

McLaren

You wouldn't expect any change at Team Ron for 2007, but mystifying rumours have been circulating regarding potential loaning-out of demi-God Hamilton to a lower team, possibly to save face after the cheap as chips British rookie wins the 2007 title ahead of expensive double-champion Spanish import.

Friki Update

Well, no more Alonso. There's a shock. Now Team Hamilton must scour the rest of the grid for a suitable cuckold number 2 for Hamilton to beat. Sutil, Rosberg and Kovalainen were all targets, but are all still wanted by their current employers. If tapping up of these three fails, could fall back on depressingly average tester de la Rosa.

Prodrive (nope)

F1's newest team will look to make its mark with a load of McLaren's cast-offs, rather like the younger sibling that has to go to school in a dog-eared uniform inherited from a far-taller older sibling. Prepare for gangly, shoe-horned mess of slow Merc-badged cars being pedalled around by Paffett and de la Rosa, who is expected to make his 19th F1 comeback in his 8 year career.

Friki Update

It would seem that Prodrive F1 is over before it had even begun. Moany, politicised shoutings as to whether or not the team adopting a customer chassis (particularly, say, McLaren's 07 one, which was already illegal in the first place) mean that the chances of Prodrive being on the grid are slim to no chance. As if that wasn't enough, Bernie himself has been rather vocal recently about his desire to see another manufacturer take the 12th and final team spot. Who he means is anyone's guess. And by that, Friki means he wants the VW/Audi/Bentley/Lamborghini/SEAT/Skoda conglomorate.

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