2007 Spanish Grand Prix
From Frikipedia
caracch A weekend of success and failure in equal measure for the sacred land of Great Britain. Albion's fair shores were stunned by the frankly appalling result delivered by Scooch in the Eurovision Song Contest on Saturday night. For a song containing such a concentration of mile-high based double-entendres (witness the fabulous camp man pushing the refreshments trolley and asking "would you like something to suck on for landing, sir?"), a score of 19 points and a position politely referred to as "third to last" is a travesty. It was not only the best song in the contest, but one of the best songs ever. Friki can only assume that the in-vogue Al Gore crowd decrying our culture of air flights so heavily must have swayed the vote across the continent. Apart from in Malta, which without air travel would probably still remain undiscovered, and hence gave GB maximum points.
Never mind. In better news for the battered egos of the nation, Lewis Hamilton has taken the lead of the (official) F1 world championship. Admittedly not in a spectacular manner, as once again the Brazilian plaything Felipe Massa beat him by some distance, but with another steady drive to another steady podium, steadily clear of team mate (and double world champion) Fernando Alonso. Alonso is a man who has made a career out of driving just within the limits of the car's potential and winning championships more through consistency than devastating victories, but even he is not being as solid as the man we love to call Tyler. He's out-Alonso-ing Alonso. How brilliant is that?
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Race Result
1 Felipe Massa Ferrari 65 Laps in 1:31:36.230
2 Lewis Hamilton McLaren-Mercedes +6.790
3 Fernando Alonso McLaren-Mercedes +17.456
4 Robert Kubica BMW Sauber +31.615
5 David Coulthard Red Bull-Renault +58.331
6 Nico Rosberg Williams-Toyota +59.538
7 Heikki Kovalainen Renault +1:02.128
8 Takuma Sato Super Aguri-Honda +1 Lap
9 Giancarlo Fisichella Renault +1 Lap
10 Boobens Honda +1 Lap
11 Anthony Davidson Super Aguri-Honda +1 Lap
12 Jenson Button Honda +1 Lap
13 Adrian Sutil Spyker-Ferrari +2 Laps
14 Christijan Albers Spyker-Ferrari +2 Laps
Rtd Nick Heidfeld BMW Sauber Not Ickle enough
Rtd Ralf Schumacher Toyota Not his fault
Rtd Kimi Raikkonen Ferrari Not his fault either
Rtd Jarno Trulli Toyota Got bored
Rtd Mark Webber Red Bull-Renault Doesn't like finishing races
Rtd Alex Wurz Williams-Toyota Emergency on the shrimp boat
DNS Tonio Liuzzi Toro Rosso-Ferrari AWOL
DNS Scott Speed Toro Rosso-Ferrari AWOL
Friki Review
Aside from the obvious steady thrill that seeing Hamilton topping the title leaderboard undoubtably caused throughout suburban housing estates across the breadth of southern England, the Spanish GP was little other than a by-the-numbers race, living down to every stereotype that F1 2007 seems to be gradually forming.
So rather than go into too much detail, let Friki summarise for you:
- The People's Kimi was once again utterly outperformed by Massa, adding another gold star to his frankly stunning CV. In his defence, his car broke in the race, and it has to be pointed out for the record that this was not Kimi's fault at all. Ferrari have a long history of mechanical failures in recent years. Or hang on, was that McLaren?
- Nico Watch: Points! Palpable points! Another super sexy stunning drive from the German genius.
- Renault : cack.
- The Adrian Newey Year(TM) has reached Chapter Three, "In Which Enough Desperate Aero Additions Have Been Thrown At The Car To Make It Vaguely Fast, But Now It Keeps Breaking. Meanwhile This Month's Paycheque Clears. Bonus!"
- Honda have made a gigantic step forward, in that they now possess enough pace over the course of a full race distance to beat the mighty Spykers, who had their car designed by a committee of breeze block enthusiasts. Do you even need to ask whether Boobens beat Benson?
There were some departures from the norm. For example, The Goo have their first ever point, thanks to Takuma Sato forgetting to complete his contractually-obliged crash, so last years Honda is now officially recognised as being faster than this years car.
Ickle failed to finish sadly, allowing The Nose to score a 4th place finish (or as it will henceforth be known, "The BMW position"). He will use the prize money to buy one of the sails from the winning boat from the recent Americas Cup, the allow him to clear his sinuses.
Also, the traditional "DC, YOU'RE SHIT!" chant could not have been wronger in Barcelona. Fifth place in a Neweymobile is very impressive, even if Friki does say so itself. Mark who?
Massa confirmed his victory at the first corner, when he gently elbowed the ever-so-slightly totally out of control Alonso off the track. This move also cemented Tyler's second place, as nobody has ever passed anyone at Barcelona since 1827.
Overall, Barcelona is a rubbish track to race at, largely because the teams spend all winter testing there so relentlessly. The drivers at Barcelona are like a geeky kid who spends all his free time mastering one track on Gran Tourismo, learning all the short-cuts and cheats and everything, meaning that when you take them on, the race is over before it has begun. When someone knows something so completely, it makes it difficult to have a decent contest. Next year, thanks to Bernie's most recent attempt to sway political opinion in a country using vast quantities of money, the Spanish GP may take place on a street circuit in Valencia. A brand new track for the new release, wiping out geeky kid's advantage. Perfect.
Speaking of street circuits, obnoxious tax-haven Monaco is up next for the F1 brigade. Something interesting has to happen there, surely?
Friki's Unanswered Questions
- Didn't everyone say Button was crap when he kept finishing second to a Ferrari in 2004?
- Was it possible to count the number of overtaking maneuvers on a hand that doesn't have any fingers?
- If Friki finds the next race dull enough to not even bother watching, should it give up on F1 and watch the darts instead?
- If it was the year of the frumpy lesbian in Eurovision, why didn't the UK enter Sandi Toksvig?
Unofficial Friki F1 Race Points in association with Celtic Crosses
1 Scooch 5 Celtic Crosses (They deserved better. Salty nuts indeed.)
2 Takuma Sato 4 Celtic Crosses (Cemented his contract for next year.)
3 David Coulthard 3 Celtic Crosses (5th. In a Red Bull. Odd.)
4 Felipe Massa 2 Celtic Crosses (Number two for the win!)
5 Robert Kubica 1 Celtic Cross (Probably deserves something)
6 Brighton 1/2 a Celtic Cross (Great place to watch Eurovision. And miss the GP. Sshh.)
Unofficial Friki F1 Championship Standings in association with Celtic Crosses
1 Ickle 8 Celtic Crosses
2 David Coulthard 6 Celtic Crosses
=3 Alexander Wurz 5 Celtic Crosses
=3 Lewis Hamilton 5 Celtic Crosses
=3 Scooch 5 Celtic Crosses
6 Nico Rosberg 4 1/2 Celtic Crosses
=7 Adrian Sutil 4 Celtic Crosses
=7 McLaren 4 Celtic Crosses
=7 Takuma Sato 4 Celtic Crosses
=7 Jarno Trulli 4 Celtic Crosses
11 Felipe Massa 3 Celtic Crosses
=12 Boobens 2 Celtic Crosses
=12 Mark Webber 2 Celtic Crosses
=12 Safety Car man 2 Celtic Crosses
=15 Robert Kubica 1 Celtic Cross
=15 Kimi Raikkonen 1 Celtic Cross
=17 Brighton 1/2 a Celtic Cross
=17 The Goo 1/2 a Celtic Cross
=17 Tom Varndell 1/2 a Celtic Cross
Review
Still anyone's game in the race to become Unofficial Friki F1 Champion in association with Celtic Crosses Of The World. Ickle has seen his lead cut to a mere two crosses by the resurgent power of square-jawed Scotsman Coulthard, while Scooch make up for Eurovision disappointment by leaping into a share of 3rd place.
Alonso meanwhile, still waits for a point.
