2007 British Grand Prix
From Frikipedia
There's always one, isn't there. One party pooper who just refuses to join in with the celebratory plan that everyone had dreamt up. Whether it's the heartless office scrooge who refuses to chuck a few quid into a collection for someone's leaving present, or the new years grouch who points out that you can't all sing "Auld Lang Syne" at midnight because nobody knows the words, almost every occasion of joy has a fly in the ointment, a wasp in the jam, or a nose hair in the tapas.
On this occasion, when Britain's middle class linked arms in the Silverstone grandstands and saluted their conquering hero on his return, like the streets of olde London when King Richard returned from killing thousands of randoms on a crusade, that fly/wasp/nose hair took the indulgently tepid form of Kimi Raikkonen. On Sunday afternoon, as the fans settled back with a Pimm's and a custard slice to watch good old Tyler storm to another stunning victory, Kimi used the renewed pace of his Ferrari to take a comfortable win ahead of Tyler's McLaren team-mate Alonso and Tyler himself, who doubtless would have even lost his run of podium finishes had Felipe Massa not so completely duffed his race up before it began.
The British tried their hardest to make the best of a bad job. Patriotic tabloids focused on his record ninth podium in a row, rather than his sound beating, and fans cheered mindlessly anyway before turning their attention to the quite remarkable sight of a Brit winning at Wimbledon, albiet in the invitational boys-n-girls category that is the mixed doubles. Once again, the Brits had done us proud. Sort of.
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Race Result
1 Kimi Raikkonen Ferrari 59 Laps in 1:21:43.074
2 Fernando Alonso McLaren-Mercedes +2.459
3 Lewis Hamilton McLaren-Mercedes +39.373
4 Robert Kubica BMW Sauber +53.319
5 Felipe Massa Ferrari +54.063
6 Nick Heidfeld BMW Sauber +56.336
7 Heikki Kovalainen Renault +1 Lap
8 Giancarlo Fisichella Renault +1 Lap
9 Boobens Honda +1 Lap
10 Jenson Button Honda +1 Lap
11 David Coulthard Red Bull-Renault +1 Lap
12 Nico Rosberg Williams-Toyota +1 Lap
13 Alex Wurz Williams-Toyota +1 Lap
14 Takuma Sato Super Aguri-Honda +2 Laps
15 Christijan Albers Spyker-Ferrari +2 Laps
DNS Tonio Liuzzi Toro Rosso-Ferrari Didn't turn up again
Rtd Jarno Trulli Toyota Yoda suck
Rtd Anthony Davidson Super Aguri-Honda Felt a rattle
DNS Scott Speed Toro Rosso-Ferrari Didn't turn up again
Ret Ralf Schumacher Toyota Ralf sucks
Re Adrian Sutil Spyker-Ferrari Engine sucks
Ret Mark Webber Red Bull-Renault Newey sucks
Friki Review
Kimi didn't have it all his own way, in fact he had to wait until the dreaded final pit stops in order to claim the lead that was rightfully his after losing out to an inspired Alonso at the first lot of petrol fills, but to anyone watching, it was obvious from early on Friday that this was Ferrari's race to lose, no matter what heroics the McLaren boys performed for the fans.
Felipe Massa made a pretty good job of losing the race right away, by stalling on the grid and turning his car into the world's most expensive soapbox derby entry. He managed to start the race from the pit lane, and then entertained everyone with the traditional race through the field until he reached a car that was in any way fast that we see every time a front running driver messes up. After convincingly having Raikkonen in his pocket after the American tour a couple of races ago, Kimi has climbed out of said pocket, picked the bits of machine-washed tissue from his hair and reversed the trend with ease. Massa now slips behind Kimi in the (official) championship reckoning, and suddenly the late-season team pecking order for the title run-in now seems it will be Massa supporting Kimi as opposed to the other way around, as everyone had expected before Kimi turned amateur for a half-dozen races. Good news for the Ferrari oligarchs. £30 million well spent.
Even with Massa out of the reckoning, Lewis completed his now-traditional dodgy start, making up for his tardiness with the accelerator by swerving dangerously into fellow front-row starter Raikkonen's path, and then moving back across on the run to the first corner. Technically, this was all very illegal and the kind of move that The Chin was hung, drawn and quartered for by Martin Brundle. However, with his patriotic trilby on, Brundle simply opined that it had been "a little bit naughty" of Lewis, but that he "should get away with it", thereby treating the whole thing like a loveable child stealing a custard cream from the biscuit tin before his dinner, as opposed to a move that could potentially trigger a massive high-speed accident. Still though, in the world of F1 karma, Lewis was to have his comeuppance.
Up to the first stops, Tyler, Kimi and Alonso lapped as one, with Kimi having a couple of looks at passing the McLaren ahead of him before he realised what sport he was in and waited for the first stops. After tyres had been swapped and fuel guzzled, Kimi was indeed comfortably clear of Hamilton, who had made a right old cock of his own stop, trying to drive off before the refuelling had finished. A mistake, a sign of nerves, of pressure? Probably all of those things, but you can forgive him given that this was his first such mistake of his F1 career, and even then it didn't cost him too much. Kimi may have thought the job was done, but he reckoned without Alonso running longer than them both and emerging clear of the Ferrari for the middle stint. Kimi had swapped a jack of spades for a jack of clubs, but Alonso had short-fuelled to guarantee him the lead, meaning he could pull out a lead over Raikkonen with a lighter car, but that he was forced to pit far too early for his last stop. Kimi banged in a few comfortably quicker laps, pitted, and emerged clear of the #1 car. Badda-boom. By this point, Lewis had apparently been told to turn the engine onto some go-slow setting and was dropping away, prompting James Allen and Brundle to surmise that there must be a massive mechanical problem to explain away Hamiton's lack of pace, and everyone else bored of the gruesome twosome's endless propaganda to stifle laughter.
Away from the slightly forced "battle" at the front, Bignose clinched the BMW place, holding off the recovering Massa at the end, and once again beating Ickle, who has been more than a little anonymous at the last couple of races, which isn't like him at all. The Renaults were thankful for the inability of Toyota to get a car to the finish which allowed them to clinch the last crumbs of points fairly comfortably, albiet a lap behind the leaders. Remember when they used to be good?
They were at least better than Honda, who were woeful. As is traditional, Boobens finished clear of Jenson Button, who could be spotted leaving the circuit with a bag over his head to avoid the mocking catcalls of his old fan base in their sparkly new Hamilton-endorsed t-shirts. The other Brits didn't have it much better either. Anthony Davidson gave up halfway through when he got scared his car might have been about to fall apart, while David Coulthard achieved great success for Red Bull by at least getting his fragile mess of a car to the checkered flag. Poor Mark Webber can only remember what the checkered flag looks like by undergoing deep-sleep hypnotherapy to drag up forgotton memories of a past 5th place.
Nico and Williams sucked badly. His engine let him down in qualifying (that's what happens when you go for an inferior model) and then he had another excuse that Friki can't remember for the race. He at least beat his team-mate, who must surely be pining once more for a return to Vietnam.
The midway point of the season has been reached, with Tyler and McLaren still leading the pack. Ferrari are now the faster car, mind, and without some quick fixes, the championship is going to get very close indeed over the next couple of races. Still, if he loses out to Raikkonen, he could always enter the mixed doubles next year.
Friki's Unanswered Questions
- So when will Lewis get a start right?
- Why are the Ferrari engines in the Spykers so unreliable?
- So the Ferrari plans Nigel Stepney nicked ended up at Honda. Have they got them upside down?
Unofficial Friki F1 Race Points in association with Celtic Crosses
1 Jamie Murray 5 Celtic Crosses (The greatest tennis player ever!)
2 Jelena Jankovic 4 Celtic Crosses (She helped. A bit.)
3 David Coulthard 3 Celtic Crosses (Finished in a Red Bull!)
4 Felipe Massa 2 Celtic Crosses (Kept it entertaining.)
5 Robert Kubica 1 Celtic Cross (Out-Ickling Ickle.)
6 Ferrari 1/2 a Celtic Cross (Or at least their engineers.)
Unofficial Friki F1 Championship Standings in association with Celtic Crosses
=1 Ickle 10 Celtic Crosses
=1 Lewis Hamilton 10 Celtic Crosses
3 Adrian Sutil 9 1/2 Celtic Crosses
=4 Giancarlo Fisichella 9 Celtic Crosses
=4 Takuma Sato 9 Celtic Crosses
=4 David Coulthard 9 Celtic Crosses
7 Jarno Trulli 8 Celtic Crosses
=8 Fernando Alonso 7 Celtic Crosses
=8 Alexander Wurz 7 Celtic Crosses
10 Robert Kubica 6 Celtic Crosses
=11 Jenson Button 5 Celtic Crosses
=11 Heikki Kovalainen 5 Celtic Crosses
=11 Felipe Massa 5 Celtic Crosses
=11 Kimi Raikkonen 5 Celtic Crosses
=11 Scooch 5 Celtic Crosses
=11 Jamie Murray 5 Celtic Crosses
17 Nico Rosberg 4 1/2 Celtic Crosses
=18 McLaren 4 Celtic Crosses
=18 Jelena Jankovic 4 Celtic Crosses
20 Mark Webber 2 1/2 Celtic Crosses
=21 Boobens 2 Celtic Crosses
=21 Safety Car man 2 Celtic Crosses
=23 Adrian Newey 1 Celtic Cross
=23 Scott Speed 1 Celtic Cross
=23 STR 1 Celtic Cross
=26 Brighton 1/2 a Celtic Cross
=26 Canada 1/2 a Celtic Cross
=26 Ferrari 1/2 a Celtic Cross
=26 The Goo 1/2 a Celtic Cross
=26 Tom Varndell 1/2 a Celtic Cross
28 GNER -5 Celtic Crosses
Review
Nothing much seems to have changed in the Unofficial Friki F1 Championship in association with Celtic Crosses, as the invitational tennis stars dominate the points scoring for this round. Ferrari at least have some points in the constructors championship, and now tie for second place with The Goo.
