2007 Brazilian Grand Prix Preview
From Frikipedia
So, after 17 long, arduous, and often eye-hurtingly tedious Grands Prix, we are nearly at the denouement of the 2007 Formula One World Championship. We kicked off the season back in Australia to find that realistically, the drivers champion would be one from Ferrari pairing Kimi Raikkonen and Felipe Massa or McLaren duo Lewis Hamilton and Fernando Alonso. And after 16 further races, we've only managed to eliminate one of that number, which is tremendously inefficient.
Nevertheless, it has allowed for a stonking climax (ooh err) to the season, as three luminaries of the F1 world come together (ooh err) at a circuit atop a Brazilian mound (ooh err) to pound around (ooh err) and finally sort out who will be the 2007 World Driver's Champion.
Over the course of the next bit of writing, Friki will preview all the main issues to be resolved at Interlagos, as well as a look at the finale of the Unofficial Friki F1 Championship in Association with Celtic Crosses and exclusive (and borderline fictitious) predictions from some of motorsport's most outspoken talking heads. So read on, it's gonna be ruddy awesome, I tell thee.
Contents |
The Contenders - The World Championship
"I could have been a contender!" Marlon Brando poetically opined once long ago. Yes, you could have, Marlon. But you weren't because you were an actor, in a film, that was made ages ago. Fool. The actual contenders are:
- LEWIS "PETER PERFECT" HAMILTON - The man, the enigma, the rookie, the object of desire of so many British motorsport correspondents, the bit-of-a-whingebag, the media-whore. Few expected Lewis to be bubbish, after his Mercedes-embossed rise through motorsport's lower formulae, and yet fewer still realistically thought that he would be this close to a championship win. A combination of relentlessly biased common terries and the fact that he has the propensity to be a bit of a smug tool haven't endeared Lewis to too many F1 fans internationally, so expect more than a little schadenfreude if he manages to cock up his formerly imposing championship lead.
What he has to do: Anywhere down to fifth will be enough if Kimi wins. If Alonso wins, he must finish second.
Friki's Sum-Up-His-Chances-In-A-Cliché: "It's his to lose really, Barry."
- FERNANDO "DICK DASTARDLY" ALONSO - A man who has looked to be in a state of shock for much of the season. Having reached the dizzy heights of back-to-back driver's championships in 2005 and 2006, his stock has taken a nosedive of Northern Rock-esque proportions in 2007 as his struggles to beat his rookie teammate have led to oft-reported scenes of dummy-spitting, toy-throwing, pram-rocking outbursts of anger (and on occasion, blackmail). Nevertheless, he has still put in some decent drives this year, most notably at Monza and Monaco, and the last two seasons have shown he more than has the pedigree to do what is necessary. Though recent history suggests he is just as likely to end up colliding with Hamilton and handing the title to Raikkonen.
What he has to do: Win and hope Hamilton is third or lower, finish second and hope that Hamilton is fifth or lower, finish third or fourth and effectively hope Lewis has twatted up in the pit lane again and Kimi breaks his car.
Friki's Sum-Up-His-Chances-In-A-Cliché: "Form is temporary, class is permanent, Barry."
- KIMI "SERGEANT BLAST" RAIKKONEN - An odd year for the man brought in by Ferrari at great expense to replace perennial winner-of-stuff Michael Schumacher. At times has looked like he has the pace to win the title blindfolded, driving backwards and with a finger up his bum (his performance in Melbourne provoked Friki to assume the season would be a Kimi cakewalk), and yet at other times has been hopelessly outpaced by poorly-rated teammate Massa to the point that he almost became a bit of a laughing stock. He has persevered, however, and a late upsurge in form, coupled with a downturn in Massa's own fortune, has left him as the only Ferrari soldier battling against the McLaren onslaught. Will the added advantage of having a Boobens-a-like to ride shotgun to him outweigh the fairly massive points deficit he needs to make up?
What he has to do: Win, essentially. Then hope Hamilton finishes 6th or lower and Alonso is 3rd or lower. He could possibly still win if he finishes 2nd, but chances are if he doesn't win a McLaren will, so that's not really worth considering.
Friki's Sum-Up-His-Chances-In-A-Cliché: "He's the outsider here, but he won't mind that one bit, Barry."
Overview
Friki's prediction? Friki is singularly naff at predicting anything, so it won't bother. It has, however, stated in the past that the winner should be Kimi, if only to save F1 from a winter of moaning, grouching and moping about illegal cars, cheating drivers and the like, but even that may not be possible now. With new revelations surrounding the FIA's decision to strictly check Alonso's car to ensure no foul play from McLaren to try and get him out of Lewis's way, the chances are that if Kimi wins, the moping will simply switch to whether or not either or both McLarens had been evilly sabotaged. The answer will, of course, be no. But nobody will take that onboard. Sigh.
What the experts may have said when asked who they want to win:
- Sir Stirling Moss - "Of course, I want Lewis to win. The man is a genius. He's me, reincarnated. And I haven't even died yet. That's how good he is."
- Michael Schumacher - " For sure, the Ferrari will win. And when I say 'will', I don't mean we have fixed it or anything. It is a mistranslation, you see. Ahem. Yes."
- The King of Spain - "I hope to see Fernando win and vanquish the marauding Englishman once and for all! Just like the Spanish Armada all those years ago, he will be triumphant and...what? We lost the...? But I thought...? Oh."
The Contenders - The Unofficial Friki F1 Championship in Association with Celtic Crosses
A quick look at the standings in the Unofficial Friki F1 Championship in Association with Celtic Crosses (or TUFFCIAWCC for short, pronounced tuff-see-wa-wuc) reveals the seven competitors fighting it out for a share in the cross-based points in Brazil which will give them the highly prized inaugural TUFFCIAWCC crown (or TUFFCIAWCCC for short).
The Top Seven
=1 David Coulthard 17 Celtic Crosses
=1 Adrian Sutil 17 Celtic Crosses
3 Nico Rosberg 15 1/2 Celtic Crosses
4 Heikki Kovalainen 14 Celtic Crosses
=5 Jenson Button 13 Celtic Crosses
=5 Lewis Hamilton 13 Celtic Crosses
=5 Ickle 13 Celtic Crosses
Interestingly, none of the top three have registered a full "5 cross"-er all season, while Heikki Kovalainen (USA and Turkey) and Jenson Button (France and Italy) have won twice. Hamilton and Ickle both have a single win (Australia and Bahrain, respectively), but must be seen as outsiders. The TUFFCIAWCC Rookie of the Year crown (TUFFCIAWCCROTYC for short) is also up for grabs, with either Hamilton or Spyker-based sensation Adrian Sutil destined to win.
Who will impress Friki the most around Interlagos and pick up this highly prized prize? The tension is almost literally killing me.
The Contenders - 4th Place in the Constructors Championship
Perhaps the most important battle to be resolved in Brazil is this one, between famous F1 rivals (for about a year or so) Williams and Red Bull. The Toyota-powered team from Grove currently hold a slender four point advantage over the caffeine-powered, Newey-ruined franchise, but Mark Webber and David Coulthard have looked a more competitive proposition of late than hunky beast Nico Rosberg and listless Forrest.
Williams, however, will have a secret (nb. not that secret) weapon for Brazil, as Wurz retired one race early to go and re-establish his shrimp fishing business, meaning Japanese test driver Kazuki Nakajima gets his first Grand Prix start, following in the footsteps of his countrymen such as Shinji Nakano, Ukyo Katayama and Tora! "Tora! Tora!" Takagi. If Nakajima's debut is a million times better than any performance put in by any of those drivers, he may just sneak a point.
Overall
Friki can't wait for its yearly Brazilian. It promises to be a memorable weekend, and you are welcome to join Friki as it becomes overwhelmed with all the stuff that is happening as it embarks on it's second, and quite possibly last ever, common terry on both qualifying and the race. It'll be typically dismal.
