2007 Belgian Grand Prix
From Frikipedia
It had been a bad couple of weeks for fans of donuts, what with Friki favourite Krispy Kreme sliding towards bankrupcy on the back of a thousand and one health drives. But then along came Kimi Raikkonen, who became the first F1 driver in 48 years to celebrate a victory with the traditional donutting celebration, causing F1 fans across the world to collectively wet their pants at the thought that maybe this was the first sign of a return to the good old days.
Truth be told, unless Friki missed part of it, it was a really rubbish effort, amounting to little more than a glorified handbrake turn to get his Ferrari back into the pitlane at the end of the race, but never mind. Friki can't be too critical of the lugubrious Finn, for the simple reason that it now has to support him. Shudder.
Quite simply, Kimi remains as the only realistic winner of the title. Not by virtue of a commanding points lead (indeed, far from it) but because of the three title protagonists remaining (Felipe Massas retirement at Monza confirmed him as the Boobens for this year), he is the only one unsoiled by the whole McLarengate nonsense. If Fernando Alonso or Lewis Hamilton were to triumph, their victory would forever be tarnished with the spectre of being a big bunch of cheating evils. Some may say that the history books won't remember the spying and the subterfuge, but then a) F1 Season Review Annuals aren't strictly "history books", and b) it isn't as if everyone's cheerily forgotton about Senna's kiboshing of Alain Prost back in 1990, or even (may Godwin have mercy on Friki's soul) *ahem* Adelaide '94 *ahem*. Nope, if an elephant never forgets, then an F1 fan scorned positively revels in reminding everyone just how much they could teach an elephant about memory tricks. Already there are enough collective chips on shoulders to keep northern England in fish suppers for many a long winter over the perceived leniancy of the penalty handed to the McLaren team, so if one of their drivers were to win, the internet may very well implode.
So Kimi it is then, much to Friki's dismay. Frankly, right now, choosing your preferred drivers champion is only slightly worse than choosing your favourite 20th century dictator out of a line up of Stalin, Hitler and Pol Pot. Ah well, perhaps, just perhaps, Kimi isn't really all that bad. For a start, he loves his donuts.
Race Result
1 Kimi Raikkonen Ferrari 44 Laps in 1:20:39.066
2 Felipe Massa Ferrari +4.695
3 Fernando Alonso McLaren-Mercedes +14.343
4 Lewis Hamilton McLaren-Mercedes +23.615
5 Nick Heidfeld BMW Sauber +51.879
6 Nico Rosberg Williams-Toyota +1:16.876
7 Mark Webber Red Bull-Renault +1:20.639
8 Heikki Kovalainen Renault +1:25.106
9 Robert Kubica BMW Sauber +1:25.661
10 Ralf Schumacher Toyota +1:28.574
11 Jarno Trulli Toyota +1:43.653
DNS Tonio Liuzzi Toro Rosso-Ferrari Didn't turn up
13 Boobens Honda +1 Lap
14 Adrian Sutil Spyker-Ferrari +1 Lap
15 Takuma Sato Super Aguri-Honda +1 Lap
16 Anthony Davidson Super Aguri-Honda +1 Lap
17 Admiral Yamamoto Spyker-Ferrari +1 Lap
Ret Jenson Button Honda Gave up
Ret Alex Wurz Williams-Toyota Gave up
Ret David Coulthard Red Bull-Renault Gave up
Ret Giancarlo Fisichella Renault Gave up
DNS Sebastian Vettel Toro Rosso-Ferrari Didn't turn up
Friki Review
It was all very easy for Kimi as well. Though this was a fun old race, the action was limited to the "best of the rest" scrap behind the front four, who qualified, and raced, in the order that their pace for the weekend demanded, with Ferrari comfortably faster than McLaren, and Raikkonen and Alonso comfortably faster than Massa and Hamilton respectively. Not that this meant there were no fun and games amongst them. Indeed on the first lap, we got a glimpse of the future of the McLaren twins, now free from the necessary shackles of racing for constructors points, going wheel to wheel off the start line. At least after everything else they have been accused of this year, you can no longer claim McLaren are imposing any kind of team orders now. Side-by-side through the first corner, Alonso then squeezed Hamilton onto the tarmac run-off on the long run to Eau Rouge (a corner name which roughly translates as "fanwank"), but Hamilton used the fact that tarmac offers more grip than gravel traps to power back on and try to re-squeeze Alonso as the cars swept through the blindingly fast hillside switchback. His efforts failed, and Alonso was secure in 3rd place. Another point off Hamilton's (official) lead, but neither McLaren ever looked like threatening Massa's Ferrari for 2nd. Kimi is now 13 points back with three races left. Realistically, he'll need at least one retirement for each McLaren to bridge the remaining gap, but despite the McLaren's oddly bulletproof reliability this year, any further repeats of the early duel at Spa could well end with an embarrassed couple of drivers standing next to wrecked silver cars. An incident which would probably help fry the chips of the whole righteous brigade in one go.
As the leaders settled into the groove, there was the fun developing behind. With the BMW twins oddly slower than normal, Ickle and Bignose were forced to scrap for their points with the usual suspects of the lower points places (i.e. Hunky, Skippy, Heady and, somewhat surprisingly Mini-Chin). Ickle succeeded, though missed out on the BMW place as none of the big four did a mess-up, while Bignose failed, despite overtaking pretty much everyone in the field what seemed like seven times. Move of the race was either one of Bignose's efforts, or Webber's move on Kovalainen, which should probably get the nod merely for the scarcity value of the whole thing.
ITV were despondant at the toils of the Brits. With Hamilton slower than his rivals, the race also featured retirements for Jenson Button and David Coulthard, and a fairly dismal effort from Anthony Davidson, who had actually been rather impressive recently. Hamilton lost further ground in the Rookie of the Year scrap to demi-God Adrian Sutil, who remarkably showed that perhaps the new Spyker is actually some cop by spending much of the race scrapping over an empowering 11th place. Even the Admiral managed to finish a mere one lap behind, which to him is like a Drivers Championship with extra cream.
Elsewhere, Honda experienced the ignomany of having their old car overtake their new car for only the 11th time all season, while Forrest continues to look like he'd struggle to hold down a drive in an invitational historic F3 team. The STRs again failed to turn up, possibly wary that to do so would be to risk being the slowest team out there.
All in all though, a fun old race. And one which keeps the three-way title fight nicely balanced. Most people "in the know" (and Blunders) reckon that Ferrari will have the edge over the remaining three races. Though three third places would be enough for Hamilton to take the title, and though Alonso merely needs two third places and a second, if they continue to knock seven shades out of each other rather than concentrating on the external threat, 2007 may be a happy year for Friki's "favourite" after all.
Friki's Unanswered Questions
- Why don't they give this race more laps?
- How ace is the new Bus Stop?
- How rubbish is the new pit lane?
Unofficial Friki F1 Race Points in association with Celtic Crosses
1 Kimi Raikkonen 5 Celtic Crosses (Friki's always loved him.)
2 Adrian Sutil 4 Celtic Crosses (Rookie of the Year in waiting.)
3 Mark Webber 3 Celtic Crosses (Sangers all round.)
4 Admiral Yamamoto 2 Celtic Crosses (Only one lap!)
5 Nico Rosberg 1 Celtic Cross (More luvverly points. Ace quali.)
6 Ralf Schumacher 1/2 a Celtic Cross (Didn't look completely poo.)
Unofficial Friki F1 Championship Standings in association with Celtic Crosses
1 Nico Rosberg 15 1/2 Celtic Crosses
2 Adrian Sutil 14 Celtic Crosses
=3 David Coulthard 13 Celtic Crosses
=3 Lewis Hamilton 13 Celtic Crosses
=3 Ickle 13 Celtic Crosses
6 Fernando Alonso 11 Celtic Crosses
7 Mark Webber 10 1/2 Celtic Crosses
=8 Jenson Button 10 Celtic Crosses
=8 Heikki Kovalainen 10 Celtic Crosses
=8 Kimi Raikkonen 10 Celtic Crosses
=11 Giancarlo Fisichella 9 Celtic Crosses
=11 Felipe Massa 9 Celtic Crosses
=11 Takuma Sato 9 Celtic Crosses
14 Jarno Trulli 8 Celtic Crosses
15 Alexander Wurz 7 Celtic Crosses
16 Robert Kubica 6 Celtic Crosses
=17 Scooch 5 Celtic Crosses
=17 Jamie Murray 5 Celtic Crosses
=17 The Stewards 5 Celtic Crosses
20 Ralf Schumacher 4 1/2 Celtic Crosses
=21 McLaren 4 Celtic Crosses
=21 Jelena Jankovic 4 Celtic Crosses
=23 Markus Winkelhock 3 Celtic Crosses
=23 Boobens 3 Celtic Crosses
25 Admiral Yamamoto 2 1/2 Celtic Crosses
=26 Anthony Davidson 2 Celtic Crosses
=26 Safety Car man 2 Celtic Crosses
=28 Bridgestone 1 Celtic Cross
=28 Microsoft Outlook 1 Celtic Cross
=28 Adrian Newey 1 Celtic Cross
=28 Scott Speed 1 Celtic Cross
=28 STR 1 Celtic Cross
=32 Brighton 1/2 a Celtic Cross
=32 Canada 1/2 a Celtic Cross
=32 Ferrari 1/2 a Celtic Cross
=32 The Goo 1/2 a Celtic Cross
=32 Tom Varndell 1/2 a Celtic Cross
=38 GNER -5 Celtic Crosses
=38 Rain -5 Celtic Crosses
=38 Rugby -5 Celtic Crosses
Review
So, Nico remains on top, joy of joys. But Rookie legend Sutil, Friki's hero Kimi and Aussie starlet Webber all leap up into title contention.
With only 3 races, and 15 Celtic Crosses remaining to play for, any one of 32 drivers/teams/objects/tennis players can still scoop the inaugural Unofficial Friki F1 Championship in association with Celtic Crosses. Now that's what Friki calls a title fight!
The RARELY PUBLISHED Official Topical Friki Post-Grand Prix Comic Bit!
CANCELLED UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE DUE TO LACK OF MS PAINT.
