2007 Bahrain Grand Prix
From Frikipedia
Number twos. They're an issue for us all, particularly in your job. Number two ettiquete when at your workplace is a constant issue which divides the modern world. Some enjoy number twos, aware that they are getting paid for doing almost nothing, but others feel bad about allowing number twos into the workplace, and would rather keep their job and their number twos very separate entities.
Sadly for Fernando Alonso and Kimi Raikkonen, their number twos led them a merry dance during their afternoons work in Bahrain, like a poetic faeces-based ballet, and despite the rather revolting analogy, it was very much the two of them who were made to look like crap.
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Race Result
1 Felipe Massa Ferrari 57 Laps in 1:33:27.515
2 Lewis Hamilton McLaren-Mercedes +2.360
3 Kimi Raikkonen Ferrari +10.839
4 Nick Heidfeld BMW Sauber +13.831
5 Fernando Alonso McLaren-Mercedes +14.426
6 Robert Kubica BMW Sauber +45.529
7 Jarno Trulli Toyota +1:21.371
8 Giancarlo Fisichella Renault +1:21.701
9 Heikki Kovalainen Renault +1:29.411
10 Nico Rosberg Williams-Toyota +1:29.916
11 Alex Wurz Williams-Toyota +1 Lap
12 Ralf Schumacher Toyota +1 Lap
13 Boobens Honda +1 Lap
14 Christijan Albers Spyker-Ferrari +2 Laps
15 Adrian Sutil Spyker-Ferrari +4 Laps
16 Anthony Davidson Super Aguri-Honda +6 Laps
Rtd Mark Webber Red Bull-Renault Stuck his flap out
Rtd David Coulthard Red Bull-Renault Needed a lie down
Rtd Takuma Sato Super Aguri-Honda BOOOOM!!!
Rtd Jenson Button Honda Becoming the new Boobens
DNS Tonio Liuzzi Toro Rosso-Ferrari AWOL
DNS Scott Speed Toro Rosso-Ferrari AWOL
Friki Review
Not that any of that is meant to infer that Felipe Massa and Lewis Hamilton were ever considered crap. Well, actually Massa was for a while, particularly during his crash-a-holic Sauber days, but his stock has been on the rise for a while, and this comfortable win adds to that, and makes up for the spaz-tastic drive he put in in Malaysia. Hamilton, meantime, shadowed Felipe almost all the way home to break somesuch record or other and leave him tied at the top of the FIA drivers standings (the one not recognised by Friki, sadly). Another quality day for a man set to see a 50,000,000% increase in his wage packet for next year, from the "paltry" £500,000 he will earn in 2007 up to a figure approaching the GDP of Denmark.
Kimi briefly threatened to wake up from the coma he's been in since Australia and challenge Tyler for 2nd place as the race approached mid-distance, but he faded back again in the later stages. Potentially, we are seeing nu-Kimi in action in 2007, one who has learned from Alonso's method of only ever driving for the position the car is worth rather than overstretching and picking up a DNF. Possibly old-Kimi could have properly floored it and pipped the Brit at the last pit stops, but then knowing old-Kimi, he'd have ended up in a hedge in trying to do so, so perhaps his new languid style is for the best.
As for our redoubtable double world champion, he was busy turning in his worst performance since he finally got a drive in a fast-enough car for people to notice what he was doing. Not only was he comfortably the slowest of the "big four" all weekend, he was even beaten to 4th place by Nick Heidfeld's BMW, with Ickle pulling the Icklest of overtaking maneuvers on the soporific Alonso just after mid-distance and easily holding the Spaniard off all the way to the flag. Once again, Robert Kubica was easily outperformed by Ickle, but he probably had some awesome excuse. Maybe his nose got in the way.
Nico Watch: After two high quality weekends, Nico was right back to what he does best in Bahrain. He was still super quick, but peppered his strong laptimes with a series of spins, lock-ups, off-track excursions and crashes. Plus ça change...
Friki is seriously considering editing the Jenson Button page and sending the Boobens redirect there instead. For the third race in a row, Booby was comfortably the faster Honda (though "fast" there is a relative term), though this theory was not really tested in the race after Jenson decided to break the car on lap 1 to prevent undertaking the ignomany of driving a whole grand prix in a Honda. Elsewhere, Red Bull looked like they were taking steps to make their Adrian Newey car competitive and both Mark Webber and David Coulthard were possibly on for points, DC in particular impressing after overtaking approximately 167 cars during the race, before their cars exploded. Another gold star for Mr Newey.
Renault continue to suck heavily. To the extent that Friki can't even be bothered attempting to explain why.
Jarno Trulli somehow drifted into the points, in a result that is still confounding scientific explanation. Ralf spent the whole weekend moaning to anyone who'd listen about precisely what was causing him to be so rubbish. Turns out, it's not his fault. Well, who'd have thought it?
So, Alonso and Kimi made to look average, Hamilton dominating James Allen's wet dreams in a manner that even Jenson had never managed, and suddenly we look like we're in for the closest title fight since the days of the Rosberg.
Though Friki could be wrong, and Ferrari could just clear up once we get to Europe. Either way, this may not be the last time Kimi and Fernando find themselves led a merry dance by their number twos.
Friki's Unanswered Questions
- Was it just Friki, or did it sound like James corrected Martin more than the other way round this week?
- Is anyone else getting flashbacks to Button's 2004 campaign of numerous 2nd and 3rds but no wins with Tyler yet?
- Is it obvious that Friki actually didn't watch very much of this weekends action at all, and instead spent its time mistakenly watching another sport in the sunshine?
Unofficial Friki F1 Race Points in association with Celtic Crosses
1 Ickle 5 Celtic Crosses (Icklest of overtaking moves)
2 Jarno Trulli 4 Celtic Crosses (He stayed awake, bless him)
3 David Coulthard 3 Celtic Crosses (For giving the increasingly bored sounding Brundle a reason to live)
4 Safety Car man 2 Celtic Crosses (He still lives!)
5 Felipe Massa 1 Celtic Cross (For not crashing)
6 Tom Varndell 1/2 a Celtic Cross (Fantastic double try performance for Leicester)
Unofficial Friki F1 Championship Standings in association with Celtic Crosses
1 Ickle 8 Celtic Crosses
=2 Alexander Wurz 5 Celtic Crosses
=2 Lewis Hamilton 5 Celtic Crosses
4 Nico Rosberg 4 1/2 Celtic Crosses
=5 Adrian Sutil 4 Celtic Crosses
=5 McLaren 4 Celtic Crosses
=5 Jarno Trulli 4 Celtic Crosses
8 David Coulthard 3 Celtic Crosses
=9 Boobens 2 Celtic Crosses
=9 Mark Webber 2 Celtic Crosses
=9 Safety Car man 2 Celtic Crosses
=12 Kimi Raikkonen 1 Celtic Cross
=12 Felipe Massa 1 Celtic Cross
=14 The Goo 1/2 a Celtic Cross
=14 Tom Varndell 1/2 a Celtic Cross
Review
So with three events down, the quest to become Unofficial Friki F1 Champion In Association With Celtic Crosses Of The World hots up to an even hotter temperature than a dehydrated camel in the "Bahranian" desert. Ickle pulls himself clear of the chasing pack after his first maximum score of the season, but Tyler, sitting in equal second place with Mr Gump, could probably feel aggrieved that he had to split his Malaysia points with team-mate Alonso, thanks to Friki's rather esoteric approach to this whole idea. At least he'd probably be aggrieved if he knew this was actually going on.
If you're reading this, Mr Hamilton, don't you dare try and edit it, you hear. Or you'll be disqualified and Friki will start giving your points to someone else...
Incidentally, winner-of-everything Alonso is yet to score any individual points yet. And who would be brave enough to bet against Tom Varndell making a late surge for the title?
It's all left to play for here...
