2007 Australian Grand Prix
From Frikipedia
The 2007 season kicked off with great anticipation at Melbourne. This anticipation lasted almost halfway through the qualifying session, before everyone realised just how much faster than everything else the Ferrari was.
Contents |
Race Result
1 Kimi Raikkonen Ferrari 58 Laps in 1:25:28.770
2 Fernando Alonso McLaren-Mercedes + 7.200
3 Lewis Hamilton McLaren Mercedes +18.500
4 Nick Heidfeld BMW Sauber +38.700
5 Giancarlo Fisichella Renault +1:06.400
6 Felipe Massa Ferrari +1:06.800
7 Nico Rosberg Williams-Toyota +1 Lap
8 Ralf Schumacher Toyota +1 Lap
9 Jarno Trulli Toyota +1 Lap
10 Heikki Kovalainen Renault +1 Lap
11 Boobens Honda +1 Lap
12 Takuma Sato Super Aguri-Honda +1 Lap
13 Mark Webber Red Bull-Renault +1 Lap
AWOL Tonio Liuzzi Toro Rosso-Ferrari +?????
15 Jenson Button Honda +1 Lap
16 Anthony Davidson Super Aguri-Honda +2 Laps
17 Adrian Sutil Spyker-Ferrari +2 Laps
Rtd Alex Wurz Williams-Toyota Nearly lost his head
Rtd David Coulthard Red Bull-Renault Lost his head
Rtd Robert Kubica BMW Sauber Proved all he had to
Rtd Scott Speed Toro Rosso-Ferrari Who cares?
Rtd Christijan Albers Spyker-Ferrari Spin/Accident
Friki Review
Hopes of an inter-Ferrari battle between Kimi Raikkonen and Felipe Massa went out the window when the Ferrari team accidentally gave Kimi's faulty car to Felipe to drive, and it broke down in qualifying, leaving Kimi to take pole and waltz off to an unchallenged win.
Action throughout the race was thin on the ground, although the performance of Lewis Hamilton in his debut race was a big talking point, as he effortlessly maintained a position ever so slightly ahead of team-mate Fernando Alonso before losing out as soon as they had an equal amount of fuel in the car. This performance provoked Blunders to compare Hamilton to The Chin before the performance had even happened, ensuring that ITV's team were diligently sticking to their task of keeping a lid on the hype engine surrounding the unquestionably talented young man.
Elsewhere, hopes that Friki had of its all-nighter being rewarded with a bit of excitement fell far short of expectations. There seemed to be something odd in the air. Even Nico Rosberg was off form. Picking a target such as Ralf Schumacher to crash into is something of a gimmie maneuver in F1 circles, but somehow the two crash fans avoided each other and Nico had to be content with a clean overtaking move to blight his 100% crash record and his first (and likely only) points of the season.
Ickle was once again firmly trounced by his enormously-nosed and son of God team mate, Robert Kubica, who effortlessly put Ickle in the shade by qualifying behind him, running behind him for much of the race and finally retiring after he had proved his point. Another triumph for the truly world-class Kubica. Schumacher comparisons for the mega-conked one were sadly missing from Blundell's post-race analysis, which amounted to Steve Rider and Blundell standing in a pit lane, watching replays of Hamilton crossing the line and playing with themselves through the pockets of their trousers.
The award for "Unexpectedly Shite Car Of The Year" was not really unexpectedly collected by the eco-conscious Honda designers, beating close Japanese rivals Toyota, who had won the award for the past four seasons. Jenson Button not only had to deal with a messy divorce from James Allen, whose head was now firmly entrenched inside Hamilton's colon, but also with the ignomany of being slower than Boobens.
Meanwhile, Hamilton's rival for the rookie of the year crown, Adrian Sutil, got off to a poor start in Melbourne, coming across as F1's answer to a slightly myopic OAP putting along in the middle lane of a motorway in a Lada Riva. He failed to comprehend the need for backmarkers to get out the way of faster cars, and picked up more drive-throughs than a mother of 12 from a council estate racing home to feed her mass of chavvy children. Sutil still did better than his team mate, who was the only driver to fulfil his contractial agreement to go spearing off the track to keep the fans entertained.
Hamiton's rival for the rookie crown was originally scripted to be Heikki Kovalainen. However, Heikki showed this theory to be wide of the mark in Melbourne, as he crashed, spun and lagged his way to around 39th place. After the race, it became obvious that Renault had actually picked him not for his speed, but for the huge amount of extra sponsorship space afforded to the team by them tattooing the ING logo onto his billboard-sized forehead.
The only other entertainment was provided by the hilariously bad Red Bull pair. Mark Webber showed off a trick taught to him by team-mate David Coulthard as he spun trying to drive down the pit lane, while DC himself took a break from his grooming of the Aussie and tried his best to decapitate Alexander Wurz in the most ill-advised overtaking move of the season so far.
The Toro Rossos probably forgot to turn up. But the Goo proved that last year's Honda was better than this years, by both Takuma Sato and The Ant displaying the kind of stoically solid midfield running which even Sauber would have been proud of.
Overall then, a glorious win for Kimi, as he looks set to make up for a career of underachievement and finally get himself a shiny title, though you may have missed this fact in the British press, who were too busy constructing a flimsy looking pedastal for Hamilton to reside on.
Quotes(ish) From The Weekend
- "He's taken all that data what they valued with him." - Blunders explains how much of a loss Alonso will be to Renault.
- "I'm not going to overplay how well Hamilton is doing, but this is definately the best performance ever seen in any racing series in the history of time." - (Almost) accurate summary of James Allen's commentary for the weekend.
Friki's Unanswered Questions
- Is Massa going to return to his pre-2006 form and ruin any hope we have of a title battle?
- How long before Button starts after a Williams contract again?
- Are Honda regretting their decision to sponsor the ITV coverage, giving viewers a reminder every ad break that, despite the TV evidence, they are in fact still in F1?
- When will DC's grooming reach a point where Webber can proclaim next year will be his year?
- Was Tonio Liuzzi actually in that race?
Unofficial Friki F1 Championship Standings in association with Celtic Crosses
1 Lewis Hamilton 5 Celtic Crosses (Friki may as well get carried away with the hype as well)
2 Nico Rosberg 4 Celtic Crosses (For not crashing)
3 Adrian Sutil 3 Celtic Crosses (For being so entertaining)
4 Mark Webber 2 Celtic Crosses (See above)
5 Kimi Raikkonen 1 Celtic Cross (He did win, after all...)
6 The Goo 1/2 a Celtic Cross (A joint award for being so Goo)
