2007/08 Premier League Season Preview - Chelsea - Liverpool
From Frikipedia
Contents |
CHELSEA aka "Chelksi"
PLAYERS IN: Tal Ben Haim (Bolton, free), Claudio Pizarro (Bayern Munich, free), Steve Sidwell (Reading, free), Danny Philliskirk (Oldham, undisclosed), Florent Malouda (Lyon, undisc).
PLAYERS OUT: Yves Makaba-Makalamby (Hibernian), Geremi (Newcastle, free).
THE GAFFER: Jose "Just For Men" Mourinho.
HOME TERRITORY: Stamford Bridge. Oddly, despite nouveaux riche run of success combined with the relative lack of seats the Bridge provides, most midweek televised games still show large pockets of empty seating in the ground. Even Manyoo at their glory-hunting worst could fill their stadium. For shame.
KEY MAN: Despite Jamie "Frank's my cousin, you know" Redknapp's endless deification of Fat Frank on Sky Sports, Michael Essien remains Chelsea's most talented and consistent performer. Though will have to fight for his place after signing of ginger nugget Sidwell...or something.
HOPES AND FEARS: Roman's purse strings have been clenched tight all pre-season, preventing Jose from spending his way around last season's disappointments. Is the big man losing interest in his pet project? Also, Steve Sidwell? Really? On the other hand, there's no way that Ballack and Shevchenko's second Premiership season can be any worse than their first, and Florent Malouda's signing will allow for even more shots of frustrated wingers sitting on bench whlst Mourinho persists with truncated 4-3-3 formation in attempt to fit Ballack, Lampard and Essien onto the same pitch. Mid-season may get a bit nervy as Essien, Drogba, Mikel et al leave for the African Nations Cup. On the plus side, will give Jose a handy excuse not to have to play Solomon Kalou.
UP FOR A CUP? Probably all of them. The Champions League remains the glittering jewel that has evaded Messers Mourinho and Abramovich for so long, so expect hilarity when they get knocked out before the final again. Repeat of last season's FA Cup/League Cup double will still be seen as a disappointment, despite the club falling behind the likes of West Ham in the transfer window spending league.
IN A WORD: Blingy.
BEST BET: Lampard to throw mardy fit and resign from international duty after being subbed five minutes before full-time in meaningless England friendly against Botswana - 20/1
PREDICTED TABLOID HEADLINE: "PEACE OF PIZZ" - After Pizarro intervenes in training ground bust up and calms fisticuffs between team mates.
OFFICIAL FRIKI PREDICTION: 2nd.
DERBY COUNTY aka "The Rams"
PLAYERS IN: Robert Earnshaw (Norwich City, £3.5m), Andy Todd (Blackburn, undisc), Tyrone Mears (West Ham, £1m).
PLAYERS OUT: Seth Johnson (released), Paul Peschisolido (released), Morten Bisgaard (released), Paul Boertien (released), Lee Grant (released), Ryan Smith (Milwall, £150,000).
THE GAFFER: Billy "Play Offs" Davies.
HOME TERRITORY: Pride Park. Soon to become the biggest misnomer in sport since Ron Dennis briefly changed his name by deed poll to Ron Interesting.
KEY MAN: Former Luton Town hitman Steve Howard looks like being Derby's only hope goal-wise, unless Earnshaw breaks a habit of a lifetime akin to Pete Doherty finally knocking the skag on the head and actually becomes halfway prolific.
HOPES AND FEARS: Already looked like this season's Watford even before questionable purchase of the human albatross-around-neck that is Earnshaw. Will hope to galvanise neutral support with "plucky underdogs" facade and use masses of TV revenue to keep club finances in the black for the rest of the decade, even when they're relegated by mid-February. Club is expected to deal well with loss of former England star Seth Johnson.
UP FOR A CUP: Unlikely. Their one hope for survival may be early elimination from all cup competitions to allow unobstructed run of hyper-defensive backs-to-the-wall away games in the league.
IN A WORD: Dismal.
BEST BET: Match of the Day pundits to break own record for use of phrase "That's just not good enough at this level" when covering Derby highlights packages - 5/1
PREDICTED TABLOID HEADLINE: "RAMS RAIDED" - After bigger and frankly better team steals a late winner in stoppage time during away game where Derby only took the ball over the halfway line once.
OFFICIAL FRIKI PREDICTION: 20th.
EVERTON aka "The Toffees"
PLAYERS IN: Phil Jagielka (Sheff Utd, £4m).
PLAYERS OUT: Richard Wright (released), Alessandro Pistone (released), Gary Naysmith (Sheff Utd, £1m).
THE GAFFER: David "Krankie" Moyes.
HOME TERRITORY: Goodison Park, though perhaps not for much longer. Feeling left out after local rivals Liverpool declined the offer of a groundshare in their new stadium, Everton are in the early stages of planning their own new ground on the outskirts of the city, backed by a "major" supermarket chain. Expect the Aldi Stadium to open for business in 2011.
KEY MAN: Striker Andy Johnston provided most of Everton's happy times last season, including hat-trick in Merseyside derby over Liverpool. Sporadic England call-ups aside, should produce more of the same, more than making up for continuing presence of James Beattie, who now boasts a rather brilliant record of 14 goals in 86 starts for the club.
HOPES AND FEARS: Quiet pre-season may give fans cause to worry. Money isn't exactly overflowing in the coffers, highlighted by the club's inability to match Portsmouth's bid for Kevin Nugent. Nevertheless, another tidy season is in order, so long as rumours of a bid for footballing blindspot Kieran Richardson prove untrue.
UP FOR A CUP: Were the last club outside the "big four" to lift the FA Cup, way back in 1995, a stat which highlights how pre-determined English football is becoming. The next Wayne Rooney may well be on display in early rounds of League Cup, before loss to struggling League 2 side.
IN A WORD: Quiet.
BEST BET: Andy van der Meyde to get burgled before the season is out (it's already happened twice in the past year) - 1/50.
PREDICTED TABLOID HEADLINE: "EVERTON MINTED" - Following takeover from random bored multi-millionare.
OFFICIAL FRIKI PREDICTION: 7th.
FULHAM aka "The Cottagers"
PLAYERS IN: Aaron Hughes (Aston Villa, £1m), Steven Davis (Aston Villa, undisclosed), Diomansy Kamara (West Brom, £6m), Chris Baird (Southampton, £3.025m).
PLAYERS OUT: Claus Jensen (released), Mark Pembridge (released), Tomasz Radzinski (released), Mark Crossley (released).
THE GAFFER: Lawrie "Norn Iron" Sanchez.
HOME TERRITORY: Craven Cottage, the least navigable landmark in Central London.
KEY MAN: If he can get fit, Ryan Sidebottom-a-like Jimmy Bullard will be key. If not, it could be a very long season. Expect American striker Brian McBride to toil endlessly without ever receiving any much deserved praise.
HOPES AND FEARS: Much transfer activity has yielded little tangiable squad improvement, though Kamara should get amongst the goals. Difficult to see Fulham avoid their now perennial relegation struggle, also difficult to see them being anywhere other then the Premiership next season.
UP FOR A CUP: Lawrie Sanchez knows all about winning the FA Cup, having helped secure the greatest shock in the competition's history when Wimbledon's "Crazy Gang" beat Liverpool's "Dream Team" in the 1988 final. Sadly for Lawrie, Fulham know nothing about winning it.
IN A WORD: Toil.
BEST BET: Al Fayed to sell the club he is now tangiably getting bored with owning before the end of the season - 30/1
PREDICTED TABLOID HEADLINE: "MO-HAMMERED AN' FIRED" - Defender Moritz Volz gets drunk at Xmas bash and is promply sacked after voicing his opinions at club owner Mohammed al Fayed.
OFFICIAL FRIKI PREDICTION: 16th.
LIVERPOOL aka "The Reds"
PLAYERS IN: Andrey Voronin (Bayer Leverkusen, free), Kristian Nemeth & Andras Simon (both MTK Hungariam, undiscl), Nikolay Mihaylov (Levski Sofia, undisc), Fernando Torres (Athletico Madrid, £26.5m), Yossi Benayoun (West Ham, £6m), Ryan Babel (Ajax, £11.5m).
PLAYERS OUT: Robbie Fowler (released), Florent Sinama Pongolle (Recreativo Huelva, £2.7m), Danny Guthrie (Bolton, season-long loan), Luis Garcia (Atletico Madrid, £4m), Djibril Cisse (Marseille, £6m), Craig Bellamy (West Ham, £7.5m).
THE GAFFER: Rafa "Good Game" Benitez.
KEY MAN: Omnipresent scouse talisman Steven Gerrard aside, the megabucks purchase of Fernando Torres has to pay off for the Merseysiders. Easily a record signing for the club, but for the last few seasons they've tried cheaper options to solve their lack of a 20-goal-a-season striker with little success (cf. Milan Baros), so Rafa finally decided to spend big, albiet offsetting the cost by selling. Messers Hicks and Gillet aren't made of money, after all.
HOPES AND FEARS: It has now been 17 long years since the Reds last lifted a league title, and with Manyoo spending massively to boost their title holding squad, it'd be a brave man to bet against that becoming 18. Still, if Torres gels, Gerrard, Alonso and Mascherano accept a rotation policy, Ryan Babel lives up to his unquestionable hype and Harry Kewell suddenly remembers how good he was back in 2001, anything is possible. Loss of Bellamy and Cisse unlikely to require minute's silence.
UP FOR A CUP?: Depends if they want a decent shot at the Premiership or not. Both recent Champions League final appearences have coincided with woeful league campaigns, while the season they got turned over by Benfica early doors in Europe, they raced to a record Premiership points tally. Another trophy of some sort should keep the red half of Merseyside content, so presume a flukey penalty win in FA Cup final over persistant opposition.
IN A WORD: Frustrating.
BEST BET: Harry Kewell to pick up inexplicable dose of cramp/indigestion/typhoid ten minutes into season-defining game forcing early substitution and tactical reshuffle - 5/11
PREDICTED TABLOID HEADLINE: "TORRES OF STRENGTH" - After the tabloids work out that Torres means "Tower" in Spanish. And they sort of rhyme.
OFFICIAL FRIKI PREDICTION: 3rd.
